The Secret Life of Love

Secrets of Love

Most people who have experienced being in love can say how quickly the feeling can fade over time. Couples get use to the idea of each other being there and things can significantly change after the infatuation period is over. Couples who feel a deep compassion and kindness for one day experience deep hatred and scorn the next day.

People have this notion in our culture and heads that love is easy as long as you find the one' we are meant to be with.

A part of this problem is that we fall in love with an image of a figment of our imagination or we have of another person like a rock star, a famous actor or actress. On that impulse, we forget that we have to take the time to get to know the one right in front of you.

When we meet a likable person, we see what we want to see. In our mind we create an image of who we want to person to be (rock stars) and rejecting any other part of them that they really are like really bad habits or crazy dangerous obsessions.

People neglect to show others who they are because they are stuck on physical perfection through endless procedures to make themselves look attractive and desirable. Resulting in people who can't look beyond appearances and impressions.

We get the false idea that we know another person based on the impression we get. In love we easily cling to an image or an ideal, and our perception of another person can easily lead us to overlook important clues and insights. We then blind ourselves to certain different, unusual behaviors, and comments because we only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. Our perception becomes very selective and distorted. This will sooner or later result in problems within the relationship.

We need to see the other person as is- un-distorted by our illusions, hopes and expectations. We need to see and respect the persons special individuality. We can learn to experience within ourselves what another person is experiencing through compassion and empathy.

Genuine love is more than a feeling that comes over when we meet the right person or the love of our lives. Genuine or true and mature love- call it what you may- is 'an attitude, a character orientation, an activity, a giving of ourselves, of that which is alive in us, our joy, our interest, understanding, humor, our knowledge, compassion and empathy.'

In giving which is alive in ourselves -who we really are- we in turn enrich the life -good or bad- of the other persons sense of aliveness . We grow in our humanity by experiencing the other person fully. This could either break our hearts or fill it with joy.

Loving someone takes much more effort than previously assumed. We WANT them to grow and unfold as they are, in their own ways, and not for the purpose of serving us. Genuine love is unconditional since it goes beyond the surface of appearances and impressions.

Loving another person is possible only if we make an effort to know them, this goes both ways. Many relationships became alienated over time because they think that their partner would not understand them.

The essential elements missing is openness and to relate. Openness in relationships in the way we express ourselves towards and to the other person and couples actively relating themselves to one another without trying to manipulate, change, or judge one another.

It is our responsibility as human beings to be understanding and accepting towards others then we can learn to relate ourselves- openly and genuinely to other people- without trying to change them.

It is possible to develop true and genuine human relationships, when we make the continuous effort to understand one another better can our relationship. If we learn to treat the other person as an equal, with all the respect and appreciation we would want them to treat us with, the quality of our relationships will improve tremendously.