Always Forever

Unrequited

Simon p.o.v.

The days became longer and the air became colder. He knew that at some point Ralph had stopped being his. He supposed that Ralph was never his to begin with, but he'd never forget how close he did feel to Ralph, but God did it hurt.

Simon knew that he was a boy, born and raised since he was a littleun. He also knew that he was supposed to like girls. To grow up to be a muscular average Joe with no emotions besides lust and anger. He also knew that when he met Ralph in elementary school he couldn't help but follow him blindly. That was the one thing he didn't understand. He couldn't understand why he was so attracted to his bright blonde hair, or why he was so drawn to his pale blue eyes. He loved making him smile. Simon remembers always wanting to make him smile, he'd always carry through his want by delivering muddy handfuls of cool bugs, sticks and rocks he found. That usually made the blonde's eyes widen in wonder at a peculiarly green frog or a nicely shaped stick. One for battles, or even ones that were the perfect wands for magical wizards.

When Ralph smiled, he smiled. And that is all that mattered, until Piggy showed up. The boy was a stout young man who happened to be cursed with a severe case of asthma. He'd always stop their escapades short to take a deep inhale of his emergency inhaler or just to sit down in the shade. Simon always found that annoying. The way Piggy always breathed through his mouth and how his face flushed in a disgustingly ugly manner filled his bones with a burning sense of rage. Not only were these physical properties absolutely horrid, his other attributes staked him in the gut as well. Ralph always seemed to care of the boy in a motherly fashion, albeit Ralph did have a tendency to tease the boy or even laugh in his expense. That made Simon silently loathe piggy.

Things died down for a while within their friend group aside from a few banters here and there. Elementary school came and went like autumn's brisk winds and soon middle school followed. He had to be in choir because that would help him with talents and college aspects, staying in choir would help him in other ways too, he supposed, but he couldn't really recall exactly what. It was in choir that he met with Jack Merridew, along with his other droogies. At first he didn't think much of it since they didn't really interact with him other than the occasional chiding for not singing in the right key or for passing out. He thought that mindset of not worrying about Jack would last, but nothing lasts forever.

Passing out; the bane of his existence. Besides the basic teachings of his loving parents, he was cursed with the knowledge of his life-lasting condition of epilepsy. This proved to be quite cumbersome to him, but it had some upsides if you considered being awoken to being in Ralph's arms after passing out a perk. The first time he had a seizure while in the company of Ralph was in elementary in the playground. He doesn't remember exactly what caused it but he does remember waking up on his side being held by a teacher with Ralph latched onto their shirt sleeve. The amount of worry in Ralph's eyes was so endearing he felt like crying. And he did, but that would be normal for a kid waking up from a seizure.

The most meaningful time was when he had a sleepover at Ralph's. Piggy would've been invited but his aunt was always a worry wart about him being in places she couldn't track down in under a minute. Thus, the night became a hangout session for Ralph and Simon. There was a movie, he couldn't recall if it was horror or drama but he does recall some bright flashing sequence happening. The sequence cause him to crumple to the ground and blackout. He doesn't remember what happened during the seizure but when he was conscious again he saw that Ralph was holding him on his side, with his head on his lap.

Simon's face heated up at the warm sensation of the other boy's thighs. He felt like a total perv yet it was so nice. He was so touch-starved that the realization that he was in his crush's lap sent an adrenaline rush to him, unfortunately it also sent a rush to his groins, which Simon silently cursed.

"Are you ok?" Ralph asked, holding his head in his hands.
"You scared me quite a bit there, Simon." He sighed when Simon nervously nodded to answer his previous question.

"I- I need to use the restroom, excuse me.." the noirette said in a rush.

He went to the bathroom and thoroughly douse his face with cold water.

'What's wrong with you?! You can't just get a boner while being held by your friend!'

He groaned and cringed internally at the situation at hand. He got knocked out of his thoughts when he heard a light yet discernible knocking at the bathroom door. He shook his head and was able to calm down the situation without doing anything nasty at his crush's house.

That was back in freshman year.

Now he had a worse rival than Piggy. Jack.

Simon hated the knowledge that Ralph would never look at him the way that he looked at Ralph and would often punish himself for it. It was just too cruel to take things out on people who led good lives. He saw the way Ralph's eyes and face lit up while talking about Jack, nicknamed "cherry" at some point. He understood this since it made it look like they were talking about a girl to the outsiders listening in. When they were in private and were sure that no one would hear, then they would use Jack's actual name. The way that Ralph would become ecstatic each time he mentioned a particularly touching encounter, Simon felt a little piece of his soul die away. That would add to the scars in ways that couldn't be measured in physical ways.  He thought that it would be impossible for him to actually pursue a relationship with the greaser, let alone another boy. But miracles do happen, occasionally.

The news of Jack and Ralph getting together hurt him even further. There were scars for every time Ralph's eyes twinkled while talking about Jack and now it was even worse. He couldn't take it. He would never be Jack.

Simon knew 3 things in life.
1. He was a boy that loved Ralph.
2. He was a boy that had epilepsy.
3. He was a boy that wasn't and would never be like Jack Merridew.

That was all he knew.

He would never have the pale skin littered with ugly freckles. He would never have baby blue eyes. He would never have bright red hair like fire, and finally, he would never be able to have Ralph.

He knew all these things, and he knew one last thing.

He could never live with all this knowledge.