you raise me up || harry potter

chapter 9: i know who i'm not

Snape gritted his teeth. He refused to sit Potter down for a heart-to-heart talk. Minerva could do it, he decided. Yes, that was for the best. After all, Potter had almost gone to Gryffindor. 

Gryffindor would have been the best thing for us all, Snape thought bitterly as he led Potter away. He couldn't see how the child of James could ever be anything but.

♢

Harry resisted the urge to lean against the wall and slide to the floor as Snape knocked on McGonagall's door. She opted to huddle instead, bringing her arms around herself. If Hogwarts was magical, it wouldn't be hard to make its hallways warm, would it? Or maybe it was to prevent students from getting out of bed and wandering the school.

But she knew it wasn't the cold that made her shiver. Her teeth almost chattered at the thought of being sent back to the Dursleys. What a welcome that would be—Uncle Vernon would probably slap Harry straight into next month at the thought of having to take care of her full-time. Which was ironic, after all he had done to fight Hagrid from letting Harry come to Hogwarts in the first place. Haven't I told you she's not going? She's going to Stonewall High and she'll be grateful for it, he had said. There's something strange about you, probably nothing a good beating wouldn't have cured... Well, he would definitely try to do that if she arrived back at their doorstep so soon.

Snape had closed the door to talk with McGonagall privately. What was he saying? Why hadn't the stairs worked for Harry like it had for everyone else? There must have been something wrong with her magic. She wasn't supposed to be here—Hagrid must have made a mistake after all. She wasn't the Girl-Who-Lived. How could she be? She was just Harry.

The door opened suddenly. Snape stepped outside. 

"You're still here, are you?" Snape sneered. "Thought you might make a run for it."

Harry didn't know what to say to that. 

Snape jerked his head irritably in the direction of the office. "Well, go on."  

"Oh, Severus, do tone it down," a firm voice said. McGonagall stepped outside and fixed a stern look at the younger man. 

Snape ignored her. "Good night," he said to her curtly. With a flourish of his robes, he disappeared into the darkness of the hallway, with only the click of shoes to indicate he was there.

"Well," she sighed, looking at Harry, "I suppose you and I better have a talk. Don't worry," she added when she saw the nervous look on Harry's face, "You're not in trouble."

Harry walked in, too afraid to pick her head up to observe her surroundings. It felt like any unnecessary movement would cost her.

"Sit."

Harry sat.

"Biscuit?"

Harry felt a bit queasy at that point. She shook her head. "No, thank you."

"Hm." McGonagall sat back in her chair across the desk and stared at Harry.

"Potter," she began softly. She didn't seem quite as intimidating as she had at the Great Hall. "Have your... relatives ever explained to you anything about gender identity?"

"No?" Harry didn't even know what that was, although she could guess.

"Well. I'm afraid there's no easy way to get around this."

Harry clenched her fists under the desk.

"The behavior of the stairs is attributed to your magic alerting them that... well, Hogwarts girls' dormitory stairs are spelled to keep boys out, you see. The stairs were simply reacting to the fact that you are not a girl, and in fact a boy."