PAPER HEARTS

42

My heart swells with warmth and I'm exploding through the seams, my eyes water at ease. In all honesty, I can't control the violent aftershock and my limbs give way as I vent a loud cry and my feet shuffles to a stand when my fingers cup my mouth. I can't help but want to laugh and cry at the same time, every single fibre in my heart is piecing itself back together and I'm bombarded with too much in the same train-wreck of a minute. 

I shut my eyes briefly, this couldn't be real - it's too much of a miracle, and I can't keep up the pace of the spinning in the room as my surroundings accelerate. I'm starting to cry harder as the man slips himself over me, our chests so close and I'm fighting to stare at the buttons down his shirt, waiting for my illusions to fade and for the CEO of this company to send me back home.

Instead, I feel myself melt into his chest and I'm fisting the course material of his grey blazer for life, screaming harder than ever. My bottom lip is trembling as reality kicks in, and I'm struggling to breathe. The sooner the seconds pass by, the weaker I get, and after minutes of listening to my earth-shattering sobs, the ice in my heart is thawed.

I have so many feelings ruining me from the rim of my soul, and all of them are directed towards Taehyung. All of which I'd tried to keep hidden to myself, and I don't know how to deal with them anymore. It hurts.

I push him away from me, "Don't," I seethe, balling my fists into my eyes and he looks amused, "Don't look at me that way, d-don't fucking touch me, you a-" I stutter whilst wiping my tears away, only to inflame my cheeks with more, "You asshole!"

"Jae," Taehyung tries to reach out, arms waiting for me, "Let me explain -"

I spring onto him, my fingers are sloppy as they hit his chest hard and I'm punching all of my energy into his torso as he simply watches me with pain written all over his face. I'm delirious as I push him away, my hands come to slap him across the face, the walls are closing in on me and I am absolutely famished as my voice strains with torment. I grow faint as he holds me by the elbows, my movements are unsteady and Taehyung is pulling me into his chest before nudging my head to the side and his lips make their way against mine. 

And he's breathing hard. He's kissing me harder as I try to push him away, my weak sobs muffled against his lips and my fingers now clutching onto the collars of his shirt. It's only a matter of seconds until I give in to him, my breath ragged and our mouths agape. It's a feeling like no other, it feels so much different now - his touch, his thumbs caressing the small of my back, and his voice as he stumbles over his mauled breath.

Four years of pain, lies, and restraint, and it hurts me to think that Taehyung hadn't considered letting me know.

I exhale, my hands fumbling over his chest and my entire body aching for closure as Taehyung places his forehead against mine. His eyes are closed, his lips are a darker shade of pink, and his face is a lot sculpted into his features from before and I notice a faint scar from the edge of his hairline as it burns into the shell of his earlobe. Just as I'm about to pull away, his brown eyes find my own as they brim with tears again.

Another whimper escapes me as I stroke its length and Taehyung hums softly.

"H-how?" I choke out, my voice is bubbly over my blocked nose.

"You need to sit down, first -"

"No." I snap, starting to push him away, "You need to explain yourself. I-Is this some sort of a sick joke?"