Little Dahlia

Ch. 7 - Down

He helps me up. I hate that I need the help, but what can I do? There's only me to blame for my body being unable to function properly because of how I've been treating it.

Keane helps me down the stairs and into the living room. He gets me on the couch and heads into the kitchen. I can hear Calum and Savvy laughing in the next room over. I can't help my jealously. They know that, and I scoff when they go silent after Keane whispers to them.

Emmett hops over to the couch with me from the chair he was sitting on.

"What's on?" I ask.

"Criminal Minds," he says. I nod.

A glass of water is placed next to me. I look up to see Keane again.

"Thank you," I say softly. He just gives me a nod.

I pick up the glass and soothe my throat. I hate that everyone here feels that they have to treat me like a fallen soldier. Someone hurt, to be cautious around, to take care of. Can I blame them? No. On some bad days I'd start destroying stuff. Even now I cringe at my previous behavior.

I felt like I was going crazy. It was terrible.

The smell of pizza wafts from the kitchen to the living room. I'm entertained by Emmett's commentary more than the show. He loves everything Reid and Hotch say. Anything else is questionable. I can't help but smile and chuckle softly. I can tell he's making a point to go over the top, but that's okay.

The smell of pizza starts to make me feel nauseous instead of hungry, but I stop myself from going upstairs to my room this early.

There's a training session tomorrow morning. That'll help me. I'll wake up early, snack, train pack members, maybe myself considering how I've been, eat, shower, and cut a few hours off work in the morning incase I need to nap. If not, I'll read or listen to music. I just need to do something other than work. A hobby. I'll get to work around 10 or 11, work for just an hour, probably have food brought up to my office, and then work for a few more hours until this time tomorrow. I'll need to set a timer for hourly breaks. Stretching, walks around the castle, stuff like that. Then I'll have supper, maybe work from bed or do more hobby kinda stuff, and then go to bed. Get some ambien to help me sleep.

Keane brings out my plate of pizza, taking Emmetts place when he goes to get his own.

"I know this week is hard for you," he starts off. "Emmett has a good feeling. I do, too. This is the year. You don't want to meet her and be unable to take care of, protect, and provide for her, right? You gotta take care of yourself, first."

I nod.

He has a point.

He always has a point.

Curse him and how well he knows me and my need to provide.

Once I eat a few slices, I head back upstairs and into my bedroom.

For the past six years, I've kept half of my closet empty. That space is reserved for her clothes.

I never sleep on the same side of the bed as the night before. It's her choice where she wants to sleep.

I've kept the majority of my bulletin board blank, ready to fill it up with pictures of us. I have a few on the sides of my siblings and friends. I hope she won't mind my love of photography.

I always put the toilet seat down. I keep my stuff to the left side of the counter. I make sure to keep it clean. I keep the bottom shelf of the cabinet empty.

I think I'd be okay with having not found my mate yet if it weren't for my wolf, Hollow. He disowned me for a year or two, not talking to me, because of the mistakes I made. I completely understand why he did. When I fixed my act, we slowly became friends again. Sadly, when we couldn't find our mate after three years, he came up with this idea that as punishment for my actions, we'd be mateless forever. Hollow blames me.

Ever since, he's grown distant and my mental health has been slowly deteriorating, taking my body down with it.

I really hope Keane and Emmett are right. I don't think I can last much longer . . .