plaid shirt days & nights (when you made me your own) // niall horan au

part iii

This isn't closure.

Closure isn't supposed to feel like restless sleep and tamped down sobs hanging heavy in Zoe's chest and bones and skin. Closure isn't supposed to be flashes of the hurt in Niall's eyes flickering in her mind every time she tries to relax. Closure isn't supposed to feel like this isn't the end, like there's still more in store for the two of them.

And the thing is, Zoe wholeheartedly believes in that, even more so when sunlight is finally streaming in through her windows. She feels like she lost something last night when she and Niall parted ways, feels like there should've been more to be said and more to be done. She feels like she should've at least kissed him properly.

But more than anything, she wishes that it didn't hurt so bad to walk away last night, like she was losing a piece of herself with each step she took away from Niall.

Zoe doesn't know how long she stays in bed, but she spends most of the morning staring at the ceiling and mulling over her thoughts. She can't really find it in herself to do anything but think about Niall, with his soft hair and bright eyes and dazzling smile. She doesn't think she herself will ever understand just how much she loves him, because the more she thinks about it, the more she realizes that Niall Horan is the only person she can ever see herself having a future with.

That's when it clicks.

Niall's the only person she'd wear a ring on her left ring finger for. Niall's the one, the only one.

She needs to go talk to him.

Zoe doesn't think there's ever been a morning in which she's moved faster than she's moving now, jumping out of bed and bustling towards the bathroom to clean herself up. There are dark circles beneath her eyes from her sleepless night, but she's in too much of a rush to try and fix them at the moment. She quickly pulls on an oversized jumper and slips into her leggings as she scurries around her room in search for her phone, and once she's found it, she's out the door.

She doesn't offer much of an explanation to her dad on her way out, just tells him that she'll be back soon as she closes the door behind her. The walk across their shared lawn seems like it takes forever, and with every step she feels her breaths getting shorter and shorter. There's a strange feeling growing in her gut, like this might not be a good idea, but the seed of hope has already been planted in her chest, and she knows in her heart that she can't give Niall up.

She doesn't realize that she's been running until she's crashing into another rushing body, the force of the collision causing her to spring backwards, landing bum first on the damp grass with a heavy weight landing on top of her. Her hair's everywhere, tangled in her mouth, stray strands of it in her eyes. A grunt works its way out of her throat when the weight on top of her moves, but hears a soft "Shhh," when she starts to struggle against the bulk of tangled limbs.

"Hold still," he whispers, and she immediately freezes, her breath catching in her chest at the brush of his fingers against her skin as he picks away at the strands of hair that have gotten stuck in her lashes. She's hyperaware of everything in that moment, the way Niall shifts until he's almost straddling her tummy, the warmth of his breaths as it fans gently across her skin. "Okay," he breathes when he's done, and when Zoe opens her eyes she's met with the brilliant blue of his, glimmering in the light of the still rising sun.

The grass is damp beneath her. She can feel it soaking through her leggings and jumper and hair, and yet she can't bring herself to shift and interrupt the reverence of Niall's eyes on her. He's so close that their noses are nearly touching, and Zoe feels a buzz in her veins at their proximity, feels the electricity following the tip of his finger as he lightly trails it over her cheekbones, feels the magnetic attraction pulling and pulling until she doesn't even realize that she's leaning forward in the direction of his face until their noses really are touching and he's jerking away with a gasp.