Trust Me (An Islamic Love Story)

Chapter 49

"Basma?" she repeats.

I nod. "You have a very distinct smile. That's why." She doesn't object and exits the room.

I stay in bed the entire day with nothing to do but ponder, and I hate that there is no escape from myself. I try not to think about Azar, but our last meeting is a little too unforgettable.

I try to deviate my thoughts toward my physical pain alone, but that doesn't stop the hallucinations. I cry to myself, cry to Allah, but then I stop when my eyes are too dried up to produce any tears.

I hate seeing the doctor even though it should be a good thing that I can see someone from outside. Seeing him reminds me of Iyaas, but he is completely robotic and cold, like a machine that diagnoses and prescribes according to the input given to him. I wish he'd give me something for my head too. He doesn't treat me human. I might be out of here if he had. Maybe Raheesh is hurting him or threatening him too. Like Iyaas.

I look forward to seeing Basma though so that I don't go insane, but the only time she comes is when I have to eat when I have to go to the bathroom and when my bandages need to be changed.

The new scars have hardly any space of their own, overridden by my old ones. I decide to pray while lying. It gives me a feeling of contentment amidst the chaos.

I don't sleep, but I try my best to. I manage to keep my eyes closed for most of the night.

The next day at breakfast time, I ask Basma, "Did Azar come back?"

She simply replies no.

I ask her, "Will Raheesh come?"

She again shortly answers with, "I don't know."

This happens for a few days, every time, she patiently says no, but one day she gets tired of my repetitive question.

"Why do you ask that every day?" She asks with a sigh. "He is never coming back. He is gone."

"I know," is all I say, not telling her the real reason I ask her. I let her think that I am hoping for him to come and save me, but the truth is that no is what I want to hear. I don't want him to come back. Whenever she tells me he isn't coming, I hope and pray he is safe. It doesn't matter if he is away. It hardly matters that he hates me. What matters is what I feel for him, and whether or not he cares about my well-being, I care about his. I want him to be safe. I want my chapter to be closed in his life. Maybe one day he will realize what he did to me. Maybe one day, he will regret his words. But the maybes won't be answered just by thinking about them over and over.

"I want my ring back," I demand Basma another day.

"You can't have it back," she refuses calmly.

"Why not?" I insist.

"Why do you want it back?" She asks in a weary tone.

I just wanted to look at it once. I just wanted to have something Azar gave me. Is that too much to ask for? "Because it is mine," I retort.

"Master wishes to keep it, so you can't have it," she explains.

"Then I want to talk to him," I insist, trying not to think about the consequences of my action.

"He doesn't obey your orders," Basma reminds me as she helps me walk. "He does what he wishes, and if he wished to see you, he would."

I drop the topic, realizing nagging her won't help me in any way. I have noticed Raheesh's absence, and it makes me fear him even more. I have tried to ignore it and concentrate on becoming healthier so that I could leave as soon as possible.