Trust Me (An Islamic Love Story)

Important note

Islamic rant, please read

I am adding this because a reader of mine, Niqabi_Secrets shed a light on a very important topic. I disagree the way the message is conveyed and how emphasis is on application of the restriction, but the heart, the faith that one requires for applying the restriction is not emphasized the way it will touch the hearts of people. However, you can check out her book Oblivious, maybe you will agree with her as the core of her message is true.

This is a little uncomfortable for me to talk about, but it is regarding reading and writing explicit scenes in "Muslim/Islamic stories". As you may have noticed, Trust Me doesn't have such scenes and will not have such scenes, and it is a deliberate decision on my part since writing such content and labelling it as Islam is quite a tragedy. It equates to reading/writing p*rn. (I do not include hugs in this as hugs are an emotional gesture rather than sexual.)

That is not to say that desire itself is shameful. It is very important, especially for Muslims to understand that desire is a part of being human and and one should not hate themselves because they crave for companionship. It is beautiful and encouraged within Halal boundaries. The relationship between a man and woman is called sacred and is the first relationship ever created.

The sad reality is that on one hand we have the overly sexualized society that adds, fitnah and tempts people to commit harmful acts and infiltrates their minds through every media. On the other hand, an equally sad reality is the Muslim cultural society that suppresses and shames desire to the point, that girls are ashamed of their desires. They are traumatized from touch, because it was ingrained in them that for a girl to have desire is shameful and their bodies are something to be ashamed of. Shame, shame, shame and then suddenly, she's married off and she has no idea on how to cope, how to enjoy Halal obligations, the guy now has full license to do whatever, and it creates a cycle of abuse for her. It takes a toll on her body, mind, faith and her relationship with her husband. She first needs to feel safe with her partner before they proceed further. Instead in most marriages, people around her pressurize her for a child, the husband pressurizes her by demanding his rights because now he finally can let out all that suppressed desires, and the right of the wife to feel safe is just oppressed. The Muslim society right now, does not teach us, especially women, on how to value ourselves and savor it with the right one. More conversation needs to be done about teaching respect and patience for the Muslim man after he is married. Right now, the Muslim society doesn't address the impact of sexual harassment, assault, molestation, or even r*pe, all the wrong encounters the woman has had throughout her life. No one helps her with the fear and trauma associated with touch. Her husband needs to help her with this. He has to prove worthy, has to be patient, has to treat her with the utmost respect. He should not consider her just as a means to please himself and get kids. Everyone just brings Hadith upon Hadith and misuses them to make the wife submissive. This is another form of oppression and abuse and she, having no one on her side, thinks she is in the wrong for not giving her husband rights. She doesn't think her right to feel safe, she doesn't think her consent is of any importance, she thinks maybe she doesn't deserve the patience.

And don't get me even started on anatomy and autonomy. If the Muslim society is not going to educate the youth, it means opening a way to Haram because where else will the youth learn from? Yes, this does not excuse youth for their behavior, but we as a Muslim community we have a duty to guide our youth and help them. Healthy conversation about sex education should replace p*rn. Not through "Muslim" wattpad books, not through any other means.

It is sad that we are so exposed to sexual content, but one cannot turn a blind eye to it. We should educate youth how to deal with the exposure, instead of shaming them for their desires. Of course, when it is thrown in their face through books, through media, through the campuses they walk in, they will feel vulnerable. Instead we shame them and make it taboo in our society to talk about and people end up indulging in Haram in secrecy. Talk about it. Just as you tell your girl when she reaches puberty about her menses cycle, tell her about p*rn and m*sturbation too. Talk to boys about periods, p*rn and m*sturbation too, why let one gender off the hook? Make it a norm to address this. Educate.

Both realities, the western and the muslim cultural one, end up opening a way for Haram.

The most important thing is that to follow Allah's obligations, our Love for Him, our duty to worship Him should be the core reason of our actions. If you just say, don't do this, don't do that! Don't you love our Prophet SAWS? Instead of ordering and shaming for not feeling the love in their hearts, make them love the Prophet SAWS! Help revive the feeling of love through Seerah. Tell them about how the Prophet prayed for us, he remembered us in his duas. Remind them of our beautiful deen that Allah has ordained only to protect us. Remind of our Rabb that has created us. Doing rituals with no intention will get us nowhere. We will fail in fulfilling the obligations if we don't have strong faith. Instead of shaming someone for having weaker faith, help them strengthen their faith! Everything that is Halal is for our own good, everything that is Haram is for our own good. Allah wants to lighten our burdens. He loves us to the point we cannot imagine. He didn't have to make anything beautiful for us, anything enjoyable for us, but He did. Whenever one has a hard time in stopping a certain sin, turn to Allah. Dua, repent, understand Your Lord. Love your Lord. Understand the obligation of why.

Unfortunately the way we preach Islam, it creates resentment towards Allah and Islam! The first thing we say, you'll go to hell, Allah will be angry, it makes Allah into this hateful punishing being (God forbid). Is that the first thing Prophet SAWS taught us? No, he was kind. He is a rahma for all mankind. Can you imagine being resentful towards Allah? It is the truth though for so many Muslims. All they hear is this is also haram, that is also haram, how to stop, no idea, but don't do it, oh another lecture, my mom yells and screams, but says I can't, oh another restriction, the resentment increases because the message is not being conveyed properly. Did you mention Allah's love? Did you grow love for the Lord in the heart that it upsets the believer to upset Him and it makes us fearful to have His disappointment?

I hope my message is conveyed. Jazakallah Khairun.