Bad Habits

1

My fingers find the knob turning the volume all the way up. The soft strums of a guitar fill my ears along with a sweet raspy voice. A small smile forms my lips recognizing the song. My foot presses down on the pedal a little harder, my car beginning to gain more speed. Rows of pine trees on both sides of the road swarm passed me. I quietly hum out the words of the song.

 “I went around the way for you

Did all those things you asked me to

I thought it was the perfect day

Till she just opened up to say

 It doesn’t mean a thing to me

It doesn’t mean a thing to me

And it’s about time you see

Things ain’t like they used to be..”

The heat from the sun rays caress my skin comfortably keeping me warm from the chilled wind swarming in and out of my car. I'm thankful for the bright colored floral scarf that is on top of my head keeping my dark brown hair in place. I enjoy driving with the top pulled back. It makes me feel as if I was flying and being able to fly has always been something I found intriguing.

People always tend to want what they don’t have and those who say that, that isn’t them; well they’re lying. I don’t have wings and they are definitely non purchasable so unless a miracle happens I will stay wanting to fly.

I try not to normally allow myself to be inside my own mind so much with so many scattered thoughts that can be released. I have always set a rule for myself throughout life and that is to do what I have to do to succeed in life. Thinking too much was never something I needed to do. Overthinking things can be dangerous, it can change so much in such little time. It wasn’t something I needed or could afford. 

I come from a very well known family where I am from. My parents were hard on my brother and I growing up. Ok maybe not so much my mother but our father. They’re both doctors my dad being the medical director of the hospital where my hometown is and my mother being a surgeon. Appearance and worth is everything to my father. All I wanted growing up was to make him proud and I’ve done an alright job so far I think.

My brother on the other hand, well lets just say he gave my dad hell for quite a few years. Eventually he got his act right and finished school becoming a lawyer. I couldn’t be happier for him. Louis is my only sibling and he is older than me by three years. He is my best friend and number one fan. I can always count on him for support in anything that I do.

I release my foot off of the pedal slightly when the withered piece of wood comes into view.

Cassel pop. not enough people to be on a map. 

Home. The place where I grew up and spent my childhood. It’s a very peaceful place, a lot of wooded land and very friendly people. Although at times they can be quite nosy, it’s a very small town everyone knows everybody and everything. I contemplated even coming back for the longest time. I had to remember that it was expected of me to.

It’s been about six years since I have been home. I was 18 the last time I was here. School just got too busy to allow me enough time to travel. My parents and brother would visit me every other year for holidays.

I pass the small town recognizing the familiar grounds and buildings. Heads turn instantly at the distracting bright red color of my unfamiliar BMW. I slow down a little distracted by a group of men outside of a mechanic shop.