ekstasis

iv

The rest of the week passes quickly; I don't see Holly much, but our relationship isn't so openly antagonistic at least. And I can hardly pay attention in any of my classes; all my mind is able to focus on is Alexei and the club meeting tonight.

I know how risky it is. If one of the prefects were to see or hear me, it would mean putting my scholarship at risk. And I can't go home to my dad with my tail between my legs. Not after all this.

Disappointing him isn't an option.

But I'm itching to go so badly that every tick of the clock on my desk sends pins and needles up my legs.

I don't know what the point of being here is, if I'm just stuck reading in my room all the time. I could do that at home. What Alexei is offering me is a chance to make my place here. To be like them, one of Bragdon's best and brightest.

And if I can't do that, then what the hell is the point?

"Is it hard to sneak out?" I blurt out, turning in my seat to face Holly.

She's sitting cross-legged in bed, an open sketchbook in her lap and hair tied back in a low ponytail. When she hears me she looks up, clearly puzzled.

"You're sneaking out?"

"Maybe," I blush. "Depends on what you have to say."

She sets aside the sketchbook, biting her lip. "Depends on what you're trying to do."

"I just need to get into Bragdon."

She laughs this roaring, belly deep kind of laugh. "What, you need to get into the library after hours?"

I cross my arms stubbornly. I didn't ask her so I could get made fun of. "I'm meeting up with some friends, actually."

"Boys?" she guesses, immediately growing more serious.

"Some of them," I say, doing my best to puff out my chest and put on an air of pride. Yeah, I'm a cool girl. I don't spend all my time in the library. I have friends, I get into trouble.

She watches me through narrowed eyes, her expression suddenly gone indecipherable. "Well, getting there should be easy enough. The prefects are off duty by now. It's just the night watchmen you need to look out for at this point—they'll be out patrolling the grounds. Two at a time, usually, but you can slip past them if you're quick enough. Bragdon is usually locked up after hours, though. Unless you have someone who's already on the inside?"

"Okay. Thanks," I say, avoiding her quizzical glance tugging a heavy, black wool sweater out of my dresser. Alexei hadn't mentioned anything about getting in the door, but the best I can do is trust him. "Any other tips?"

"...No," she says, turning back to her sketchbook. "Have fun, I guess."

"I will," I promise, but as I turn to quietly shut the door behind me, I look back to Holly and our eyes meet. She's watching me go with a dark look in her eyes. It's cold and mournful, and it shakes me to my core.

｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

The jog across the dark quad is even more nerve wracking than I'd expected. It's dark enough and late enough that I probably won't be spotted from the windows, but the threat of one of the groundskeepers showing up is enough that by the time I reach the doors, my heart is pounding.

I reach for the handle on the door, give it a tug, but no luck.

It's locked.

I step back and eye the door, wiping my sweaty palms on my skirt. I don't know how much time I have left; it's entirely possible that running back to my room would be riskier than staying here.