Divinity

Chapter 27

The gang of fallen hadn't followed us. At least... if they had, they were hiding. It was better than being ambushed a second time, I suppose.

I had only spoke once during the flight, "Jasmine-" I had begun, before she cut me off, quickly telling me to be quiet in a hushed voice. No one had said anything after that. I could feel the tension surrounding us, thick like honey - I was fearful to attempt to speak to her again. Her emotions were unreadable, she had closed herself off to us once more.

The feeling of guilt plagued me the entire journey - Jasmine was hurt. Again, because of something I had done. It should have been easy to believe Travis, it wasn't my fault alone... though it felt like the blame rested mostly on my shoulders. I was still the one who messed with the sword. If I had left it alone... he would still be here. 

Eventually we landed in a place I didn't recognise. The others didn't seem to know either, "I spotted a lake overhead." Andrew explained. A portal to Heaven, perhaps, is what he meant. Unlike Jasmine, Andrew didn't appear to be mad at me. That, or it seemed insignificant compared to the hurt I had already caused him. 

The darkness of night still hung heavily above us. There was something about it that felt so draining - an angel belonged in Heaven, a place bursting out the seams with bright light. 

"I don't understand." Jasmine finally said, as we slowly walked about the town we had landed in - searching for that lake Andrew had claimed to see. "You never lost your powers, then? You've been lying to us this whole time? We all risked our lives to help you, and it was for nothing?" 

"No!" I hastened to reply. Could she really believe that I would do that. "Truly, I did lose them. I was human, I wasn't lying."

She didn't respond - though I could tell by her expression that she didn't believe me. Her lips were pressed tightly together, like she was trying to hold back from saying something. 

"I'm sorry. Really, I am." Andrew smiled at me, but I knew his heart wasn't in it. He couldn't understand it either. "I didn't find the sword by accident, I went out looking for it. It's like it was... I don't know, calling to me? Like it wanted to be found. I should have ignored it, but... It turned out... a piece of me was inside of it. The sword couldn't destroy the angel part of me, it was just... holding it. When I placed the sword back on my scar, that part of me came back."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Jasmine asked, her expression pained. "Why would you keep that from us?"

"Because... I didn't want you to hate me." 

"That doesn't make sense." She responded, frowning. "We all wanted you to become an angel again, it would mean we could go home!"

"When the sword was holding that part of me... it's like it was disabled, or something. It stopped being able to kill angels. That's why Andrew was able to touch it, and survive." I explained, no longer able to look her in the eye. "And then... I took that piece of me back. I... I didn't think... I hadn't considered that it would activate the sword again. But it did."

Slowly, I looked back up, Jasmine was stricken - her eyes wide as she took in what I was saying. "I'm the reason Travis is dead."

"Emilia..." Jasmine began. I winced, expecting her to start shouting at me, releasing all her anger. But she didn't. "It's not your fault. I blamed myself for a while, why did I let him touch it? I didn't feel confident that it wouldn't kill him, so why didn't I try and stop him? It's all I could think about for days. What if..? What if! Those questions can drive a person insane. You lost a part of yourself, it's only natural that you should try to reclaim it. That doesn't make it your fault. I allowed Travis to make his own decision in that moment, and lay in whatever bed he had made as a result. Travis was an idiot for touching it. I hate him for it, every day. I hate him for taking himself away from me. From us. But that's precisely the point. I hate him for it, Emilia. Not anyone else. Not me, nor you. Ultimately he was the one who chose to take that risk. Don't punish yourself for something that isn't your fault."