Love at a Price (re-write?) - a GMW Joshaya fic

Thirteen

"Is everything okay?" Josh asks wrapping his arms around Riley's shoulder. I'm hugging her other side, forehead resting against her temple. Josh watches her closely, eyebrows furrowed as he waits for an answer.

Riley lets out an anguished cry, "Why can't I stop?" She bawls.

"Stop what?"

"Crying!" She scrubs at her face and sniffs. "I hate this, I can't control it!"

"It's okay," I tell her, "it's natural."

"Well, it sucks." She pulls free from both of us and drops to her bed, "Hearing him say that he loves me, knowing that..." her voice breaks off and Riley whimpers, shaking her head to continue, "knowing that it won't last... it just hurts."

Josh grabs Riley's shoulder, smiling down at her. "Listen to me and listen good: Farkle seems like a nice guy, from what I know of him, and he would clearly do anything for you. Don't push him away, it's self-sabotage. You know what you deserve and you should not give it up without a fight."

"Thanks, Uncle Josh. I guess you're right. I'll tell him tomorrow after school."

"Good idea, face-to-face with some privacy to react."

Mom calls out from the living room, "Maya, honey, we're leaving. Meet us outside."

I squeeze Riley close, "Love you. I'll text you later."

"You too, Maya. Thank you for being here."

I smile and pat her face, leaving her room. Josh follows me out, his arm brushing against mine. I turn to face him, giving him an inquisitive look.

"Walk you out?" He suggests, stating it as a fact rather than a question. I say goodbye to the Matthews on my way out, and Josh says he'll be back up shortly. He waits until the door is closed before asking something else. "Would you mind taking the stairs?"

I'm confused for a moment, nodding anyway. Then a thought crosses my mind that I can't help but joke about. "Are you that desperate to spend time with me?"

He laughs warmly, his fingers interlacing with mine. I swallow a giggle that tries to creep out of me, barely able to keep the smile tugging at my mouth in check. "This is crazy, huh?" He says after a moment, catching my eye. "I honestly never thought..."

"I know! But that's life for you, I guess." We maintain a quiet chatter as we walk down the stairs. It isn't until we make it to the next floor that Josh falls silent.

"Did I say something?" I laugh nervously, not able to look directly at him. I hear his sharp intake of breath, watch as he slows down. I decide to get off the staircase, and Josh follows me. I lean against a wall, arms folded with one foot resting on the skirting. "I'll wait until you're ready to talk. God knows you've been there for me."

He pushes his fingers through his hair, "You need to get home," he reminds me.

"I don't care. Just... what's on your mind?"

He shakes his head, glancing at the line of apartments and back to the stairs.

"We can hide away, if you'd be more comfortable," I suggest, grinning sincerely.

He nods, following beside me. We go down until we're more or less in the middle of both floors. I stop, brushing against his elbow to signal for him to do the same.

"All of this just worries me. It's as simple as that. In my mind, she's still this quirky little kid freaking out about her first date. She's got a lot coming, that's for sure." Josh shakes his head, his eyes suddenly tired as he smiles down at me.

I wait a moment, allowing the quiet to take over between us. I rub his arm, "It'll be okay. She has support and a big heart, which is what she needs right now."

"Yeah," Josh breathes out. His other arm crosses over and his hand keeps me connected to him. His touch is warm and secure, "Thank you for listening."

"Of course," Blood is pumping around my head, heartbeat thudding in my chest as I breathe shallowly. I can't pull my eyes away from his, captivated by him and lost in the moment. It feels precarious at the edge of the stairs, especially as his face inches closer to mine. I feel for the wall behind me, bumping it far sooner than I expected to. I can't explain the sheer panic I felt in that moment, being ripped back to the night of my birthday, trapped in front of Colton and his unwavering stare.

I feel sick, and a moment that should be special and exciting is clouded by fear from a bad memory. It's like the walls are closing in on me and I can't breathe. Josh isn't stupid. He notices my sudden change in behaviour, my switch from happy and sweet to tense and panicked. He pulls his hand from mine, putting distance between us and rambling an immediate apology. "I'm so sorry, are you – are you okay?"

I think I'm going to burst into tears as I try to speak, wanting everything to go back to just a few seconds ago, wanting to forget about Colton and the fear he caused. I need Josh to understand that he truly didn't do anything wrong. "These past few days have just been really intense and... I'm sorry, I don't mean to act like this."

"No, it's not... I thought – but I shouldn't have assumed." His blue eyes, such gorgeous eyes, flick rapidly over my face, and he licks his lips as though wanting to say more. He says nothing, just swallowing heavily.

I grimace, deciding that things can't exactly get worse. "Don't read into this too much but... to just put a topper on this mess of a day," I sigh, playing with my fingers as I try to find the right words, "All of this would be amazing if it weren't for something that's happened before."

"Yeah?" He nods for me to elaborate, so I do.

"You probably won't remember, but after I had that party – when you found me completely freaked out, and I told you that there was some guy?"

"I remember."

I laugh anxiously, "Well, he got kind of aggressive. In a stairwell, actually. Um, nothing actually happened, it didn't get that far. I... I punched him before it could."

Josh squeezes my hand, and then pulls away just as quickly, "Good on you!"

"Thanks," I push hair behind my ears, "But, anyway, I just couldn't help but be reminded of that when you... Not that it's the same thing at all! God no!" I groan, leaning into the handrail. "I'm making a mess of this, aren't I?"

"Absolutely not. Thank you for trusting me with that."

I have a few steadying breaths before I even think about heading downstairs. "Thanks for listening to all of that. I... it means a lot." I grab his hand, momentarily distracted by the intensity of his stare. "I hope you don't think any different of me. I still really like spending time with you, and this was just the one thing. I –"

He brushes his other hand against my cheek and I shut up. "Believe me, nothing had changed." He leads me down the rest of the staircase, neither of us saying much. When we reach the ground floor, Mom and Shawn spotting us coming down the stairs and waving me over impatiently, Josh gives my hand a squeeze and mouths goodbye. Even as I head to the door and he heads to the elevator, we stay connected long enough for our arms to stretch as his fingers graze over my palm.

"Sorry, that took longer than expected," I say once the three of us are outside.

"What was that?" Mom asks, raising her eyebrows suggestively as she laughs.