Lisa
Damn it, it feels like half of my heart was taken away from.
The unstoppable tears and my weak body reflects the almost unbearable pain I'm feeling right now.
Chaeng helped me get inside the house because my feet were to weak to try stepping. My body feel so weak and my eyes doesn't get tired of tearing up. It's like a well that doesn't ran out of water.
Why does this have to happen to me? To her? What have I done for the Lord to punish me like this.
She helped me sit on the couch. The tv was still on, no one bothered turning it off. Was she doing movie marathon by herself? Did she do that for weeks alone?
Did she eat properly? Did she take care of herself here?
Damn, I feel so guilty. It's all my fault. I'm so stupid! I'm so stupid.
"I'm so stupid! I'm so stupid," I exclaimed and hit my head in so much frustration for myself.
Chaeng rushed to me while holding a glass of water.
"Shh, Lisa stop that! Stop hurting yourself. It's not your fault. It was her decision to do it," she tried to calm me down but it don't work.
I still blame myself for letting all this shit happen. I should've been by her side. I shouldn't have left her without saying any word.
I'm so fvcking stupid.
"No, it's all my fault. I was so stupid to leave her all along here. It must've been so hard for her," I said in between my sobs.
"But Lisa you said you did that because you thought she's Kai's fiancé. It's not your fault, you're just not aware of the truth. Calm down, Jennie wouldn't like to see you like this," she sat beside me and patted my back to comfort me.
I can't calm down. How can I calm down when she's gone. It'll be better if she's with Kai, not like this.
If she's just with Kai, I'll still be able to see her even if she's not mine. But her dying, makes me wanna die as well.
I hugged my knees and buried my face on them while still crying unstoppably. My heart is clenching, I can barely breath.
"Here drink some water," Chaeng offered and I drank it.
But I still didn't get any better.
The truth is I really wanna go back but my parents stopped me because I just got well.
When I went to my parents home the day I left, I collapsed right in front of my mom.
They took me to the nearest hospital. When I woke up, I was already there.
My said that I fainted because of stress and fatigue. I had been crying every night since I talked to Kai and all the bad thoughts doesn't leave me. I was emotionally exhausted and driving so far away gave me fatigue.
I had fever and I was sick for a week and when I got better I was planning on going back. I want to go there even if I won't see my Nini there. Staying at my parents' house was making me miss her more because I couldn't even smell her scent unlike at home I could smell her on the clothes she left.
And I will be reminded of her as I go through every corner of the house.
But then, my dad didn't allow me to go back. They worry about my health and they said that no one will take care of me there since I'm living alone again.
Yes, I told them what happened. They didn't get angry at Nini because they understood the situation. They understand that Nini was unaware of all those because of the amnesia.
They know that she didn't mean all of that to happen.
So, I stayed in my parents' house for a while and earlier I received a call from Chaeng with this bad news.
It was like I was hit while I was blind folded. I don't know that this would happen. All this time I thought that she's already happy with Kai and their family but I was wrong. She was actually suffering alone waiting for me to come back.
My poor Nini. She had to endure all of it. But why did she give up? Why didn't she wait much longer? I would always come back. I will still visit her even if she's already with Kai.
But with this what will I do? Oh dear God, tell me what shall I do?
I hope all of this is just a dream.
