"Mommy?" I hear my girls on the other side of the door and despite the fact that I really don't want to see anyone right now, I can't tell them to go away.
"Come on in," I say, and they crawl onto the bed with me. Stella climbs into my lap and hugs me tightly, and I choke up as I hug her back.
"I don't like when you're sad," she says, her little voice muffled by my hair.
"How can I be sad right now? My two favorite girls are here," I say, wiping my eyes.
"Mom, you're crying. We're not stupid," says Leelee, and I pat the seat beside me. She scoots over and I put my arm around her.
"You're right, I'm a little sad," I admit, kissing Stella's head. "I don't like thinking about someone leaving you or hurting you in any way."
"We're fine. And we got you instead, so it all worked out," says Leelee. "We don't even remember her," she says, and I'm reminded that I've been in their lives for over six years now. Really, for the girls anyway, I'm the only mother they've ever known. I get a small sense of satisfaction from that.
"Mom, we're not sad and you shouldn't be sad," says Stella, and I laugh a little.
"I love you girls with all my heart," I remind them, feeling better knowing that they're not upset by the visit.
They both tell me they love me, too, and I send them off to bed. "I'll come say goodnight in a minute," I assure them and gather myself to go see my husband.
I make my way into the kitchen just as he's walking through the back door. He stops and looks at me, obviously not sure what my emotional state is going to be.
"I'm sorry," I say, and he opens his arms and walks toward me.
"Me, too," he says, hugging me tightly. A huge sense of relief washes over me as he holds me, and I feel silly for being so upset.
"I know why you didn't tell me. And you were probably right. I would have freaked out."
"I thought I got rid of her. I really never thought she'd come back."
"I know. Are the kids okay?"
"Will seemed the most upset. But he'll be alright. The girls just didn't know why she'd show up."
"How did she even get up the driveway? Did she jump the gates or something?"
"I don't know. But I'm going to go change the codes and everything tonight." I nod my agreement.
"Why don't you go do that now? I'm going to go get ready for bed."
"Are we okay?" He seems unsure, and I can't really blame him. I haven't exactly been emotionally stable tonight.
"Better than okay," I assure him, kissing him. "Don't be long," I tease, grabbing his butt before I walk out of the room.
Yeah, she won't ever be able to take this away from me.
