I haven't really been able to escape for a long time. People always seem to find me. I knew, though, that this was a trip I had to make alone. Karen probably wouldn't have let me go. Lori would've talked me out of it. I don't think anyone would've really understood why I needed to do this, so it was easier to not tell them. I certainly didn't want to give them a chance to stop me.
Everyone around us knew how awful the split had been in 2004. I hadn't handled his new life well. His third child was more than I could deal with, and, as hard as I tried to be happy for him, I felt like I was dying.
There was screaming and yelling and crying and finally it just... Ended. I couldn't take it anymore, and neither could he. Aside from a few public appearances we have not spoken since. I never really succeeded in convincing myself that it was the right thing to do, but somehow it seemed like the only option.
It took me a while to track him down. I heard that he had left town a few years ago, but no one really seemed to know where he was. Even our mutual friends said that they hadn't heard from him since he left Los Angeles. Some of them voiced concern, asking if there was anything that I could do. I truly didn't know, but a part of me had to find out. I needed to see for myself that he was okay.
After a million phone calls I managed to get a hold of his brother. Jeff reluctantly told me where he gone. I couldn't get much else out of him, but that was enough.
I guess that's how I ended up here. Somewhere in San Jose, a part I haven't seen in decades, pulling up to his gated home in the middle of the night. I hit the buzzer and wait for something to happen.
"Who is it?"
"Lindsey, it's Stevie."
He doesn't say anything in response, but the gates open and I head up the driveway.
