I punch the wall in the hallway, just for good measure. I'm not really sure what she's so upset about, but the last thing I need is her pissed off at me right now. Seeing Kristen - knowing my kids saw her - is stressful enough. I decide to go check on the girls.
Leelee is braiding Stella's hair in her room, music blaring. She turns it down when I come in, her hands returning to her sister's head immediately.
"Is everything okay?" I forget that she's 14 now. She's old enough to know what just happened.
"Yes. Everything's fine."
"Is mom okay?"
"Yes, she's fine, too. She's in our room," I assure them, sitting on the floor across from Stella.
"Why did she come back? What did she want?" I know Leelee is full of questions, and I make the decision to answer them the best that I can.
"She asked to see you guys. Do you... do you want to see her?" I realize I'd never really asked that question before. I suppose they're old enough now to have some say.
"Why would I care? I haven't seen her since I was four. I barely even remember her. Stella doesn't even remember her at all."
"She looks sort of like mom with a pinched face," says Stella, sucking in her cheeks to imitate Kristen. Leelee giggles and I can't help but laugh a little.
"Stella, I know you have no memory of her. Did you want to talk to her?"
"I think I don't know what to say. It was kind of weird, dad. I don't want two moms."
"Well, she shouldn't be coming around anymore," I say. "Your mom made that pretty clear."
"Can you tell mommy to come talk to us? I think she looked sad," says Stella, and my heart feels like it's going to burst. My sweet little intuitive girl.
"Why don't you two go up and see her? I'm going to go find your brother." They scatter and I head into the back yard, knowing exactly where I'll find my son.
He's out back, mindlessly throwing a baseball at the house and catching it over and over again. I watch him for a minute, trying to let him see me before I speak. "Is she gone?"
"Yeah, she's gone."
"What did she want?"
"To see you guys, I guess. I'm still not really sure."
"You made her leave?"
"Well, with some help from your mom, yes."
"Good." His jaw is clenched and I can tell he's still upset. He's 16 now. I'm looking at a young man in front of me; he's not a kid anymore.
"Will, listen. You know you didn't do anything wrong, right?"
"Look, dad, I know you probably want to talk, but I really don't have anything to say. She left and I won't forgive her for it. We did fine without her. And mom will always be my mom," he says, and I grab his shoulder and squeeze it.
"Forgiveness is for you, not for her. Don't stay bitter. But it's okay to not want her in your life," I say, watching him avoid my eyes.
"What did you ever see in her? You had mom right beside you your whole life and you ended up marrying that first?"
"She gave me you," I shrug, and Will shakes his head.
"It's cold. I'm going in," he says, and I let him walk past me into the house.
