Enough

Chapter 1

Olive

I open my eyes after another night of restless sleep and the first thought in my head is -- I've been alive for 17 years and I'm already exhausted -- You're telling me I have to live for another what 70-ish years, voluntarily. Ugh I didn't fucking sign up for this bullshit. Honestly, I don't know how I haven't killed myself. I realize that's dark, but I really have no reason to even remotely want to keep living. There's this small part of me that just feels like something's coming...just hang in there, something's coming. Just hang in there. I take an exasperated breath and hall my ass out of bed. Time to start this shitty day. 

I walk into my bathroom and stare in the mirror for what feels like an eternity. What a waste. I'm aware that I'm privileged. Privileged to be able bodied, privileged to have a more than  comfortable lifestyle, and the list goes on and on and on...I can't help but hate it, hate it all. Hate my unique dark green eyes, my lusciously long black curly hair, my hourglass body, my clear caramel colored skin, but most of all I hate what's inside. Inside I'm broken. Inside I'm just a sad little girl that just wants to be loved. The broken girl that was pushed aside like trash by everyone she's ever known. 

I snatch up my phone and blast the only song that's been on repeat in my mind since I've heard it. As the oh so famous Billie Eilish sings it , "I don't want to be you anymore". Welp time to get ready for school.

After showering in my favorite lavender soap, I throw on some clothes

I grab a gourmet to-go breakfast and grab the keys to the Tesla to head to school. I know what this sounds like, 'Oh boo-hoo, poor you, you have to drive yourself to school in your Tesla'. Don't judge me till you know my story. Everybody has their struggle and no one knows mine. No one knows who I truly am, what my story is...because no one has ever cared enough to ask.

~~~

Elmore High. Hell itself.  It amazes me when people say that high school was some of the greatest years of their life. That thought just fucking petrifies me. This is where I'm supposed to have the greatest years of my life. A place full of shitbags faking they're "good people". I know more than half of these asswipes would die if they didn't know the Wifi password or have the newest iPhone. I reluctantly get out of my car and push down the vile coming up my throat as my 'best friend', Lilly, approaches to lock arms and walk into school together. 

That's right. No good morning. No hi how are you. Nothing. I'm just a showprop to her. And I let her because 1) I strongly dislike confrontation 2) It isn't really hurting anybody but me and 3) I have nobody else. Number 3 depresses me the most.

Today's the start of senior year. One more year. 'Just one more year'. That's all I keep chanting in my head as we walk to our first class. Theoretical Physics. The moment we walk in I dislodge myself from her claws and walk to the desk all the way in the back, by the window. I love sitting in this spot. Nobody bothers me. It's just me my pen and notebook. Contrary to popular belief I'm not stupid, I take my studies seriously. As I'm settling in my seat I notice a change in the atmosphere. I look up and see a man walk in. Not a boy, a man. I say man because he walks in with this air of confidence and certainty, yet there's no trace of arrogance. He's that type of person whose presence demands attention. A breath of fresh air. 

I shift in my seat to not make it obvious that I'm blatantly staring at him. He sits toward the front of the class and high-fives a bunch of other guys that are coupled up there. One of them says, "Hey Adam, did you watch the docu-series on black holes last night?" "Dude yes that shit blew my fucking mind" "What did you think about that part when - 

Hold on, what the fuck am I listening to right now. Is he actually getting excited about astrophysics? I inspect him head to toe. I take note of his worn-in tennis sneakers, the baggy jeans, loose graphic Spiderman tee, gun-metal glasses, and long shaggy black hair. This man is the full embodiment of a nerd...so why are my palms sweating and my heart fluttering?