𝙏𝙐𝙏𝙏𝙊 𝙀 𝙉𝙄𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙀
+ everything and nothing
"They sat on the ground, in the heat of the greenhouse, talking about everything and nothing. They talked about their families, their lovers, their lives. They gave each other their names. Monica...
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THE RIDE BACK TO BIRMINGHAM was the most dreadful thing Finn ever had to indure. Polly spoke shortly of the engagement and Tommy remained quiet, nodding now and then. Arthur was passed out from the drinking and the entire car was painfully quiet, which made him awfully aware that if he started crying, they would hear.
He bit his inner cheek so hard until the metallic taste of blood made its way into his mouth. He found nothing to do but look out the window, which was unfortunate, as the deep darkness of the night reminded him of her. The night was as beautiful and mysterious as she was, it was an upcoming storm, a horrid tragedy ready to take place, something you can't stop nor control as hard as you try.
In the month and a few weeks Finn had known Monica, he started reading. He asked Isaiah to teach him and indured the teasing from his friend, all for her. The way he felt when the note was placed in his hands, but he could nothing but stare at it, was too painful to remember. He had never felt so useless before. And now, as silly as it was, he thought it was all in vain. He had learned how to read and write for her, and now that the option of writing to her was gone, he saw no use in the skill.
So lost in his thoughts, he barely realized when Tommy stopped the car outside of Artillery Square.
"G'night, Finn," He heard, and he didn't have enough energy to answer or say anything to his brother and Aunt. He got out of the car and rushed to the doors of his apartment, which he absolutely loathed. Monica told him of her house, and how she bought it herself with money she acquired from the bussines, and thinking of that made him ashamed of how he lived and the small part he played in his brother's company.
He paused in front of the door, searching for his keys in the pockets of his vest. When he found them and stuck them in the key lock a sudden thought passed through his mind.
She said yes. He took the key out and shoved it back in his pocket. How the fuck could she say yes?
He walked down the stairs of the complex, knowing that he had never wanted company more than he did now. At first, he felt sadness. But now all he could feel was anger; he was angry at Monica for kissing him that night, angry at her for knocking on his door, angry for giving him that note and meeting him in the greenhouse.
But most importantly, he was angry at her for agreeing to marry Matteo. He knew she didn't love him — he could see it in the way Monica kissed the man, in the way she looked at the Italian and how they talked. He didn't mean to imply that she loved him, because only God could tell what was going on in Monica Montecello's head.
She didn't have to say no for him, but she should have said no for herself. She told Finn she sometimes wished she wasn't part of the bussines, that she had stayed behind in Italy with Chiara. Now, there was no chance for that, Finn thought. Through his eyes he could see Monica's ideal life disappearing in a fraction, and his as well.
