i think i love you • matthew healy

6. friends

don't you just wish for some things to last just a little bit longer?

i wake up with matty's arm like dead weight on my chest, his bare leg leaving my thigh all numb.

the sunlight's getting in my eyes with the curtains slightly open so i move my head slightly away, hoping to not wake him up.

"good morning."

too late.

matty's looking at me with his head deep in his pillow, one eye open like he's winking and it's quite cute really. he smiles, showing his small dimple. "slept well darling?"

i can't help but smile. just a little bit longer, please.

"yeah." i say as matty slowly gets up to reach for a cig on the bedside table. "last night... was fun, yeah?" i'm looking at him all apprehensive even as he gives me a stick. was i just a one night stand?

matty's sitting cross-legged as he lights up on the bed. "i kind of don't remember, rhian, would you do me a favour and let me feel it one more time?" he mutters with the cigarette in between his lips. i roll my eyes.

"you're a fucking terrible liar." i snatch the lighter from his hands and light myself up, my other hand covering my breasts with the duvet.

we smoke for awhile.

"you were phenomenal, by the way." he says out of nowhere. i suppose we're still pretty much half-asleep and half-hungover.

i breathe out the smoke. "what a year does to you, hm?"

he doesn't respond. i wonder where his mates are. "you think adam's still alive?" i ask slowly.

matty takes a few seconds to reply, he's just staring at the blank wall. "i suppose."

"okay." i take a deep drag in the silence. "george and ross... i think they might have seen us make out."

"and?" matty looks at me, obviously bored with the topic. i shrug.

matty stubs out his cigarette on the wooden table, then sighs as he lays back down, his head on my lap.

"you're dating gabby, then?" i just realised i haven't asked him. way to fucking go.

"what?"

i sigh. "you heard me."

matty closes his eyes, his fingers running down my thigh. "yeah. i suppose we are."

i continue smoking. "where is she then?"

"she's doing a shoot in paris." matty sighs. "you don't have to apologise for anything, rhian, we're not exactly serious."

i smirk. "what, you just like fucking each other then?"

"no, that's now how it is—" matty gets up and sits across me. he sighs deeply. "to be honest with you? i think it's because i was lonely when i came back from rehab and realised i've lost you."

i couldn't possibly start this with matty. we haven't seen each other in over a year. i'm still hungover, i don't quite know where i am in his life even... and it's too fucking early. fucking hell.