i think i love you • matthew healy

30. train station

a/n: 

soooo i guess this is the end :) 

 if this is ugly i'm really sorry, i guess i'm an emotional mess rn i can't think straight, but also thank you. for reading, for sticking around, for the comments, everything. love you all SO much, please do take care of yourselves. x

--

the train station is mostly empty when we'd arrived.

maybe because of the time, or maybe because of the terrible rain this evening.

matty had helped ollie with unloading his things from the car, and i'd requested him to stay inside while i go say good-bye.

i've gotten used to good-byes. it's the one thing i've always known.

but for some reason this one hurts a bit more than the rest.

before we had left, i had written a note to alice and stuck it to the fridge. 

alice, i'm sorry. and i love you. and i'm sorry. thank you for everything. give me a call when you're ready. you know where to find me--you always do. 

xx rhiannon

in a way, i don't feel as guilty for leaving alice this time around. maybe it's because i feel like she's already quite done with me. and who wouldn't be? i feel like a waste of space living in her home, and i've decided it's better for me to leave than to stay with her until we start to despise each other and i would have no one else. 

ollie seems to have no one else now.

i don't know where exactly he's going. 

right now we're standing next to each other on the platform, waiting for a train to come, and ollie's looking at me and i'm looking at him and his eyes look scared and...

right then i realise he doesn't know where he's going either.

my hands are shivering from the cold and so i shove them in my pockets. matty's hoodie is almost twice my size that it almost touches my knees. he must be freezing inside the car.

i sigh. ollie is still looking at me, frowning. 

"hey." he takes my face with both his freezing hands, and his cheeks are red and blotchy from the cold and his eyes can't hide the crying he's done the whole night, but he's smiling softly at me and for a moment i realise how he's become the brother i never had. "i'm going to be okay, rhiannon."

just like that, tears begin to form in my eyes. i hate that i'm a crier.

"i know." i let out, brushing my tears away with my similarly cold fingers and wiping it away with the ribbed cuffs of matty's hoodie. 

"no you don't, you're looking at me like it's the last time." he chuckles.

i frown. "maybe this is the last time."

"it's not." ollie states. his eyes are still full of uncertainty, but maybe they're not. 

maybe i should stop reading people in an attempt to save them. 

 i close my eyes and nod. "okay." i say quietly. "you sure you're going to be okay?"

"yes, yes. are you?"