ekstasis

iii

"Just fucking with you, dude. But I should be getting to bio," Daniel shrugs and glances my way, a strange, dark look in his eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow night, yeah?"

"Tomorrow night," Alexei nods. As soon as Daniel is gone, he then turns to me with a grimace. "I'm sorry about that."

I bite my lip, trying to figure out how I want to phrase what I'm about to say. "You don't seem to get along very well with any of your friends."

He pauses, and I immediately apologize. "I'm sorry, it's just something I noticed, and I was curious—"

"No, it's fine. I like how blunt you are," he reassures me with a wide grin. "People like that are few and far between here. I just—here, walk with me."

He leads me up a flight of stairs to a much quieter floor, with none of the hustle and bustle of students passing in and out of classes. The lights are lower up here, the walls panelled with oak rather than the exposed brick of the lower floors.

"Most students never go up here," he explains. "It's all offices for teachers and admin. Not much reason for students to be wandering around. But it can be nice when you need the quiet or just some space to think."

We sit down on a bench at the far end of the hall, facing a window that overlooks the campus, and he looks at me.

"Anyway, as for your question...Christine, Daniel, everyone else—they're like siblings to me. They get on my nerves, I get on theirs, we get into fights and then work things out again. None of it makes me care about them any less. You know?"

"I guess so," I say. "I don't have any siblings."

"Me either. I suppose I just mean what I imagine that feels like."

"It's just weird to me," I frown. "To be fighting with your friends all the time."

He tips his head to the side, puzzled. "It's not...you've never had a friend like that before?"

"...No."

We sit there in quiet for a moment, gazing out the window at the students passing from one place to another, playing sports on the field, picnicking on the grass. They all look so at ease; they fit here. I wonder what I look like, all the way down there. I wonder if I fit, or if Alexei does, for that matter.

"Anyway, I brought you up here because I wanted to ask something," he says eventually, and in an instant my heartbeat grows so rapid that I feel as though it's going to burst out of my chest.

I manage to force out the words, "What is it?"

"I'm in this club," he explains, and I barely stop myself from laughing out loud. I'm not sure exactly what I expected—or wanted—from such an intense ask. This certainly wasn't it, but if anything, I think that I'm thankful. I'm not ready for anything to change or to escalate with Alexei. I like the way he is right here, quiet, thoughtful, sitting in peace beside me.

"Daniel and Christine, too. And most of the others. We've been talking, and we're all in agreement that we think you should join."

"What kind of club?" I ask.

He hesitates for a moment, thoughtful. "It's a literary and academic society. All of Bragdon's best and brightest."

"Of course you're in it," I snort, and his cheeks flush bright red. "Why me, though?"

He looks at me, his brow furrowed and eyes dark. "Because we think that you have a place with us. I think you have a place with us. I—look, I know we've only known each other a few days. But I see a spark in you. Something that's rare and hard to find here. I trust my intuition, and the others do too."