The Debt (Now on Radish)

Chapter 14

"Ginny, don't you dare hold those in!" Mum scolded. Derek cupped my cheek as my groans and grunts became audible.

"Och, I need to push!" I groaned. "Where is the Doc?"

"He-He went into town, for some instuments." Annabeth stuttered. "What do we need to do?"

"Bambi, go to the cook and get boiled water, Annabeth, get a linnen blanket for the baby and a knife, if you could." Mum instructed the girls. They scampered away, leaving three of us.

"What do I need to do, Aileen?" Derek said, thumbing my cheek.

"Be encouraging and hold her hand." Mum said, settling herself at my feet. "When the pain comes back, push please."

On the next contraction, I did as she said until my baby came. At first, Derek and I were relieved. He was here! After a few minutes, the sound of silence filled the room, causing me to worry. He was supposed to be crying. Why wasn't he crying.

"Mum, why isn't he crying?" I asked, sitting up more. It hurt, but I moved closer to my baby. "Mum, please. Answer me." Derek crawled next to our baby and watched him as Mum did all he could to make him breathe.

"Derek, please," Mum whispered, looking at my husband. "Hold onto Ginny."

"Mum!" I exclaimed as she took my baby from the bed. Derek wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

"Ginny, my pet, I am so sorry. I thought he would be okay. Those drinks Adalynn gave you, she said they were okay, this is all my fault." She said as she cradeled the baby to her. "He was a boy. He would be his father's duplicate." Mum left the room with the still body. My baby was gone. Aaron Clancy never had a chance at life.

*

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It had been two weeks after my son's stillbirth when I decided to kill myself. I was of no use to Derek if I could not bear him living heirs. We were so close to bliss and then it slipped through our fingers. Everyone had been treating me with kid gloves since the announcement to the older members of our family. Edgar, Edna, Bridie and Keegan do not know why the baby is not with us, they just know that he is not here. Mum has been supportive, as has Bambi and Annabeth. Derek, on the other hand, distanced himself from me. I have learned that death terrifies my husband, but I need him. A week after we burried Aaron Clancy Goddard, he left for London. He promised me it would only be a week, but it did not matter. He did not truely care for me. If he did, he would have stayed. He cared about the baby.

Its ironic that the day Derek chose to came home was the day I chose to say goodbye. I had holed myself in our room, only allowing Lillian in with food and to check on me. When she told me tht the children saw Derek's carriage from a mile down the road, I smiled at her and told her I would be down soon. The biggest lie I've ever told. As soon as she left, I dead bolted the main door and scribbled down an apologetic note to my husband and my family. The note to my family read;

Family,

I love you all and I am eternally sorry for hurting you in this way. I have been so depressed these few weeks and I cannot find it in myself to make myself come out of it. I love you all, and please do not mourn me long.

Your Imogen

My letter to Derek was much more personal.

My Derek,

I know that our marriage has been short, but in this short time, I have fallen so deeply in love with you that the past two weeks have been agonizing. I have come to realize that death scares you, but that is no reason to ignore and neglect me. I needed you.