Undercover Bad Girl | SOA

When Reality Hits

I finally woke up at 2pm. Opi sitting next to my bed, crying. I roll over to face him. He keep trying to hide his tears. I smile. I keep asking myself, does he really love me this much?
Then I ask, "What's wrong? You got me back. I know the truth. Am I missing something?"
"You were gone for 2 years. I've done awful things. Worse than ever before. I thought you left me because you were done. Or worse, dead." He started straightening up, "i ended up with Layla. Shes been my ol lady for a year now. She doesn't know your back kitten."
Kitten? Oh no. Not again. I black out. Its a beautiful summers day. Im on the back of Opi's bike. I stand up while hes driving. He yells at me to be careful. But i couldn't help myself. I put my arms up, close my eyes, and take a huge breath of the fresh air. When he finally slows down, i sit back down giggling. He laughs while taking off his helmet, "has anyone ever told you that you're a psychopath?"
"Jax has, but who isn't these days?"
He let out a laugh, then picks me up and puts me on his lap. We are still sitting on his bike. He starts kissing me. Then moves down to my neck. Then whispers in my ear, I love you Kitten."
That was the first time he ever said that to me.
Then the dream ends as I wake up. And I freak out, I'm back at the hospital. The only difference this time, I'm surrounded with the whole Sam Crow gang. Plus the main ol lady Gemma. Tara Knowell, my doctor, i now remember is Jax's ol lady.
"God I miss your smile Knowell." Everybody shocked not only am I awake, but I remembered Tara.
She smiles with a tear running down her cheek, " Kitty, I'm so happy you're okay. We all missed you baby!"
"Why am I back here doc? What happened this time?"
And then realizing Opi been holding my hand, he squeezes it. " While we were talking, you fainted. Then you started having a seizure. I didnt know what to do. What happened to you baby?
Jax doesn't even let me answer, he just spits out, " did another memory come back to you?" Opi confused and looks at me. I smile for a moment, but then i suddenly frown. "It doesnt matter." I pull my hand away from Opi, " I was gone. And I am no longer your ol lady. And I have to respect Layla." I tear falls from my cheek. Jax gets upset. "Why did you tell her about Layla? She's struggling already with her memories, why the fuck would you do that Op?"
"I'm glad he told me! Whether I remember everything or fucking not, I have respect for SOA & POS ! Layla is in my crew. And she will always have my respect! Whether she's with Opi or not."
"Kitty, do you really mean that?" I look up and see my beautiful V.P. of Poisons of Society walk to the front of my bed. And she looks as beautiful as i could remember.
"My respect will never change. I might not remember everything, but you are my girl. And you've been there for Opi when I couldn't be. Thats respect baby. I love you my lioness."
She starts crying for joy and jumps on my lap. I remember the day I made her my V.P. she looks so beautiful, soo sweet and innocent. But her anger was as bad as mine. I hated the name kitten at first. It made me feel weak. But it stuck. With her, I wanted a nickname that showed her strengths but her beauty also. My lioness. My right hand. My family. She hugged me, until Tara asked everyone but Jax to leave the room.
"Kitten, you need to tell me what you remember before your flash backs come." That wasn't a seizure you had. But it damn sure looked like one."
"Usually they happen in dreams," Im trying to explain but still keeping thinking about my last flashback. I zone out for a moment. Jax snaps his fingers and brings me back to reality.
"If I'm not sleeping and I get flashbacks, its because something or someone triggered it. First it was when Jax showed me my tattoo."
"Which one did you show her?" Shes looking at Jax while Im looking at him puzzled. " What do you mean which one? How many do I have?"
"Lets stay on topic and I'll explain more later, what were you and Op talking about when you had your last one?"
Then I looked down. I didn't want to think about it. My whole relationship is gone. I'm happy for Layla and respect it. But its hard because my love is growing more and more for Opi as my memories return.
"Next question."
"We need to know so we can try and avoid certain things to say to you Kitty." Tara explains.
"For what fucking reason?" I jump out of bed, pulling the I.V. out and all the cords attached to me. "So now I cant have my memories back?"
"We dont want them forcing themselves out of you! Kitty, it can cause damage to your brain. Jax said they've been coming back on their own. Let them but dont force them."
"We were talking about Layla being his new ol lady. Then he called me kitten..." I went silent.
"What was your flashback?" Jax asked carefully. Not realizing Opi walked back in the room.
I looked up seeing him, and he seen me crying. I am completely heart broken, but i breathed and straightened up my back while putting my pants on, "my flashback was the day Opi said he loved me for the first time. The motorcycle ride. Me being crazy. Him whispering he loves me."
Opi looks down, Jax turns around. "Man I told you to stay outside."
"I needed to know if I'm the reason she's in here again. I guess I am."
"Stop making this about you." I said angerily, "its not about you putting me here. Jared did that by cutting my brakes. Stop feeling sorry. You moved on, now I need to."
Jax looks at me realizing I'm fully dressed amd walking out the door. He tries to pull me back, but I swung on him.
"No body holding me back. I do what I want. And what I want is my life back. NO BODY will stop that." While looking at Opi upset still, I turn to Layla, "Get your man. I refuse to be held down here ever again. Youre his ol lady now. Do what you need to do." And i walked into the elevator.
Gemma follows me. When the doors shut, she turns to me and says, "I know this is hard for you, but pushing Opi away isnt going to help."
"Remember you might be my step mom, but that doesnt mean I have to listen to you. I'm done. I'm shining with or without Sam Crows guys." Doors open and I walk away with my head held high.
Now that I have pushed them all away, I can do what I have been happening. I'll repair my friendships and relationships later.

But for now, my revenge has started. Full throttle to my goal. No exceptions.