Your words catch me off guard, you tell me I look scared. I am, but not of you. I am scared of myself. There are parts of me I am still learning to love, parts of me I do not know if I will ever love. You tell me I am beautiful every day. Your smile can calm me down faster than writing ever could, your voice soothes all anxiety and doubts I face, I wake up next to you and I feel at peace. You do not scare me. You still tell me I look scared, you ask what I am scared of. I am scared of self sabotage. Parts of my past still loom over my mind nearly every day, I often find myself being the toxic one in a relationship. Learning to love you means learning to understand what love is. Learning how a healthy relationship works brings attention to every abusive trait I have. I feel you, but I think of him. How days were spent hiding in plain sight, hoping he would not hurt me. I stay perfectly still around you, I say cruel things. I know you are not him, but I can not help but flinch when you raise your hand to touch my lips. I do not express my affection towards you because I do not know how. Learning to love you means learning to love myself. And that is something I am not ready to do.
ESTÁS LEYENDO
The Diary of Me
PoesíaI have marked this story as "completed" but I don't know if it will ever actual be complete. This is my journal, my secrets, my thoughts. This is The Diary of Me.
