Sparks Fly

Chapter Fourteen

Luke

Luke hadn't hated himself this much in... well, ever. There was after the party last summer, but he hadn't hated himself then. Not really. He'd mostly been pissed- a little bit at himself for not keeping a closer eye on his sister and losing control like he had, a little bit at Lucy for not paying attention to her drinks, but mostly Shawn. And he'd gotten catharsis pretty quickly in the form of beating the shit out of that asshole. This particular kind of self-loathing was new. And it wasn't like he could really beat the shit out of himself.

Josh had never hated him this much, either. It had been just over a day since Luke had destroyed everything, and Josh- easygoing, incapable of holding a grudge Josh- was still radiating anger. Which really said a lot about how majorly he had screwed up. Not that he needed the confirmation.

"Luke!" Scott called, breaking him out of his thoughts. "Just the man I was looking for."

"Yeah?" He really hoped that he hadn't messed up again without even realizing it.

"I need some help getting the canoe cabin sorted out. You busy?"

"No, I can help."

Luke let himself drift in and out of the conversation as they walked down to the beach. Scott was chatty enough that he didn't need to contribute much more than a nod anyway.

"You know, I haven't seen Natalie around much the last few days." Scott commented, almost casually. "You two seemed like you got pretty close while you were working on the talent show stuff. Any idea what's going on with her?"

Shit. Luke shrugged. A part of him wanted to tell him everything- the absolution of confession and the rest of that Catholic upbringing urged him to- but he still remembered exactly how disappointed the counselor had been on the first day of camp when he was a dick to Wilson.

"Really? No ideas?" Scott's skepticism showed through his surprised words.

"I screwed up again, okay?" He blurted out before he managed to stop himself. "Is that what you want to hear?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Scott's tone immediately softened. "Of course not, bud. What's going on?"

Man, Scott had barely even pushed. He had cracked under basically no pressure. "Like I said, I screwed up. Again. Just like everyone expected."

"Hey, man. You know that's not true." Scott led the way into the beach storage shed and started hanging up discarded life jackets. "Talk to me."

Luke followed his lead and started putting away the oars that had been left on the floor or leaned against the wall. "Wilson had a rough parents' day. Her dad wasn't thrilled that she danced in the talent show."

"That doesn't explain how you screwed up."

"I talked her into it."

He could practically hear Scott's frown. "You couldn't have known how her dad would react. I'm going to go ahead and say that's a solid not your fault."

"And..." Luke had to force the words out. "I was a dick yesterday. I said some pretty shitty things about her and she overheard."

"There we go." He said. "You want to give details or no?"

"It's pretty personal for her. I don't want to..." He tried to find a way to put it. "I made a nasty comment about something I know she struggles with."

"Yikes. That's probably pretty solidly your fault." Scott decreed. "Did you apologize?"

"I haven't seen her since."

"That might be a good start for when you do."

"If she'll talk to me."

"You never know until you try."

Luke fixed the last wayward oar. He had the beginnings of an idea of how to fix at least one thing, but he needed to convince Josh to listen to him first. "Thanks."

"No problem. Does this mean you'll be less angsty now?"

"I'm not being angsty." He protested.

"Hovering around your cabin looking sad and lost seems pretty angsty to me."

Had he really been that pathetic? "Fine. Less angst."

"Good." Scott surveyed the shed. "This looks way better. Thanks for your help."

"Yeah, no problem." Luke headed back out into the fresh air. "See you around."

He got lucky- he saw Josh almost as soon as he left the shed. "Josh, hey!"

His best (and very likely only) friend looked at him, then slowly turned around and walked away. Luke wished that that didn't hurt as much as it did- after all, he'd half-expected that reaction, anyway. But still, ouch. He pushed his hurt feelings down and jogged after him. "Seriously, man. I know you hate me right now. I get it- Hell, I deserve it. But I might have a way to cheer Wilson up."

Josh stopped walking and, after a beat, turned to face him. "Really?"

"Yeah. I feel like shit over yesterday. I was out of line, especially since she was already down. I want to make it better if I can."

Josh's face barely changed expression, but Luke knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't still be here if he was actually as furious as he seemed. "What's your idea?"

"Her dad asked you to keep an eye on her right? To make sure that she was doing okay?"

"Yeah. And?"

"Maybe it's time for a glowing report?" He suggested. "Maybe even with a quick addition on how the no dance thing has set her back, if you think that wouldn't make things worse."

"You're suggesting that we use her eating disorder to convince David to chill out on the dancing ban?"

"It sounds shitty when you put it like that. I'm suggesting that we reassure him that she's doing okay enough to dance based on the last month that we were with her and he wasn't."

He thought it over for a minute, the nodded. "That actually is a half-decent idea. I'll call him now."

Luke followed him to the Mess Hall. Josh didn't acknowledge him until he reached the phone, then he turned around. "Okay, man. A little space?"

"Sorry," he stepped back automatically. "I really am sorry about yesterday. Not because of the consequences. I screwed up, and to make it worse, I still don't even know why I said it. It wasn't malicious- or I didn't mean to be, anyway."

"I know." Josh half-smiled. "You've done maybe two things out of malice in your entire life, and one of them got you thrown into juvie. I know exactly why you said it."

"Care to share?"

"It's like your mom says- you have a soft heart, but you hide it behind your sharp tongue." He said simply. "I put you on the spot, and you got embarrassed and defensive before your brain caught up to your mouth. I get it."

"Want to explain it to Wilson?" He half-joked.

"Natalie... She has a lot going on right now. Not just your comment, or even the stuff with her dad. I think this has been coming for a while- probably since before she even went into the treatment center." He frowned. "The thing is, she's such a perfectionist- that's probably how the anorexia thing started, actually- and she hasn't been the perfect daughter for a while, and now with dance off the table, she can't be the perfect dancer again, and that's bringing out some of the worst of her issues. If I were you, I'd give her a little bit of space."

That didn't help. Even if it wasn't entirely his fault, the implication that Wilson was going through too much to handle and he had contributed to it made him feel worse. "Is there anything I can do?"

Josh shrugged. "Hopefully, your idea will help. Otherwise, I'll let you know. Try not to beat yourself up too much over this. You're not all powerful. Not everything is your fault."

"I'll try to keep that in mind." Luke attempted a joke before he left.