We Were Blue // Completed

3//

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places."

-Ernest Hemingway

 I have always loved houses that appear worn, the type that have stories hidden within the walls. The type that have watched families grow and eventually leave, ready for a new adventure somewhere new. Alexis' house is like that- old enough to have lived but loved enough to still be standing. I remember the first time I came over how envious I was of her, after all her parents, her house, her whole life was something I could only ever dream of having and it was her reality.

I stride up the short walkway, the cracks running through the sidewalk remind me of varicose veins and make the concrete appear aged beyond its years. Boisterous laughter resonates from beside me causing my gaze to drift from the ground and toward two little boys. They sit in her neighbors yard playing with hot wheels and looking so happy, so content with life.

It makes me wish I could be a kid again where everything was an easy fix and I was ignorant to how the world can sometimes be. Everything becomes so complicated the older you get, problems can't be solved with a gentle kiss or a warm hug, sometimes they can't be fixed at all. When you're a kid there's so much hope, so much wonder and happiness- you think you can take on the world, but sometime over the years you lose that awe, it's sad really.

Without knocking I stride into Alexis' house and am immediately greeted by the subtle smell of cigarette smoke combined with the potent scent of a pumpkin spice candle that reminds me of halloween. I breathe in the familiar aroma, loving how it causes me to feel at home.

"Felicity?" Alexis' voice carries over from the next room. "Is that you?" I hear shuffling and a loud thump followed shortly after by a loud pitched 'fuck'. Trying and failing to mask my laughter, I yell back that it is and maneuver my way to the living room. There I find Alexis sprawled across the bright orange area rug that her parents refuse to get rid of despite the fact it matches nothing.

She holds her foot in agony, a splur of cuss words stringing from her mouth. I raise my eyebrow in amusement. "I stubbed my toe," She explains, her face contorting into a wince as she stands up. I nod my head in understanding and wait for her to sit down on the grey couch. Unlike Alexis I stay upright, my body vibrating with restless energy from the events of the day.

Alexis has been with me through it all, from the first time my gaze connected with those storm irises to the moment I broke down in her arms after he left me so suddenly. The funny thing is it's not her causing all this nervous energy, it's myself. Once upon a time, I was that girl rolling her eyes when others so hopelessly lost themselves within another person. Now I'm the mess and I feel so damn hypocritical for it. All I want to do is slap myself for being so pathetic, because I know I'm better then becoming a wreck over some guy who couldn't care less.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

It does little to calm the tremors controlling my body. "I didn't think it would be this hard, seeing him again I mean." My breath is shaky and I don't even know why, I need to get ahold of myself. "I... I think I had convinced myself I didn't care anymore, that I was over him. But seeing him today felt like a blow to the chest, like I was back in the damned airport watching his plane fly away."

A longing and melancholy sigh escapes my lips as I recall the way his gaze traveled over me earlier. "I almost forgot what home sounded like until I heard his laugh again, until he said my name and suddenly I felt safe and secure for the first time since he left." My voice sounds scratchy as I lace my fingers together. "I wasn't supposed to fall for him Lex, I never even thought it was a possibility."