Always been you//Jolex

Chapter 2

"Alex, can I step out for a second?" I interrupt, panicked.
"What? Why?" He says, frustrated to be losing the help.
"I just...can't be here." I storm out the door and run for the nearest supply closet, oncall room, anything.
I go into an empty oncall room, nearly collapsing onto the bed. My eyes begin to sting and I hold my head in my hands as the tears fall, and I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack myself. I catch my breath as the door squeaks open, and Alex is beside me a second later. He rubs my back and hands me a tissue, obviously confused.
"Jo, what was that?" He asks, looking genuinely concerned.
I try to brush it off and dodge the question.
"How's the patient?"
"She's fine, they just sent her for a CT. How are you? Please tell me what's going on. Was it something I said?"
"No, you're great. I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry."
"What?" He asks, and I know I need to give him more.
"I cant do this right now. I'll see you later." I say, brushing his thigh and faking a smile.
I walk out of the room, and I don't waste any time. I find an intern in the hallway and call them into an exam room.
"Blood test." I say, pulling up my sleeve and sticking out my arm. He looks confused, and I'm starting to get frustrated. "Hurry up."
He gets a blood test kit and draws a sample.
"Did you want me to run this to the lab?"
"I'll take it. Are you on the Sadie Wilson case?"
"Yeah." He says.
"Okay, I need you to get another blood sample from her and bring it straight back to me. If anyone says anything, tell them I'm ordering another test."
When he comes back with the tube of blood a few minutes later, I go to the lab and hand the tech the samples.
"Run a paternity test. Put a rush on it, and get the results straight to me. Got it?"
She nods, I hand the tech the tubes and the order.
Alex pages me and I have to answer, so I go to the girls room to meet him.
"What tests did you order? We already did bloodwork."
"Just... something I forgot to run earlier." He nods, but I can tell he doesn't buy it.
"Okay, well she's been put on the list, status 1b, so we just have to wait and hope for a miracle."
He tries to read my expression before adding, "Jo, please talk to me."
I can sense his desperation to fix this, but the news will probably go best with tequila, which is frowned upon during the work day.
"I promise I'll explain everything at home."
By the end of the day, I have the results but can't bring myself to read them. But I don't have to. Part of me already knows, but I'm just willing it not to be true. I thought she was safe, happy, loved. Putting my baby up for adoption was the hardest thing I ever did, knowing that she could end up in my situation. I feel like I did this to her. I did do this.
Alex and I drive home in silence, and when we walk inside, he's clearly freaking out.
"Jo, are you alright? You scared me earlier."
"Alex." I feel terrible for keeping this from him, but I never wanted him to know. "Sit down."
He sits on the couch, waiting for me to join him. I plop down next to him, thinking of ways to make this easier to hear.
"I was married, and he hurt me. Badly. It was a terrible situation, and I left and came here."
"I know. Paul. But he's gone, you're safe now."
"Yeah." I pause, wanting to be anywhere else right now. But he deserves to know. "I got pregnant. But he was abusive. I couldn't bring a baby into that situation. But I couldn't terminate without him knowing, and if he ever found out..." My eyes tear up and I don't think I can keep going.
"Jo-" he reaches for my hand and looks at me sympathetically.
"I hid the pregnancy from him, and put the baby up for adoption. I left and came to Seattle right after she was born." He looks stunned, and with good reason. "Alex, I have a daughter. And that little girl, our patient... I think it's her."
Now he just looks at me blankly, and I'm terrified I've scared him off.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." I add. He shakes his head.
"You have a kid?"
"Had. But yeah." I pull the paper out of my coat and hand it to him. "The paternity test. I can't do it alone."
He tears open the seal nods slowly as his eyes scan the page. I can tell he's reached the end when he freezes and his face is impossible to read.
"It's a match."