We are stronger together

- 23 - Baby

"You did well" I glanced at Taron and he smiled "And we're a family now"

Did he really think that?

"Thank you" I smiled back and for a split-second I didn't focus on our baby.

I focused on Taron and how close we had grown after I had gotten through labour. I wanted to kiss him, it made me feel like I was right where I belonged.

My eyes dropped to his lips and his arms around my waist tightened ever so carefully before the door opened.

Rachel walked in and gave me a few more tips. I was all back to mom mode.

She asked me to drink a lot of water because I had lost blood and not have a look at my pee because it would be blood. But that was totally normal.

She helped me clean up and change into my PJ's. I was hyper-aware that Taron had to see all of this, but he didn't seem to mind in the slightest. The sanitary pads were pure heaven. They kept the area cool and absorbed everything.

Taron was still sitting on the couch, while he held our baby. She was so tiny in his arms and I felt my heart exploding.

I was so insanely happy, even given the circumstances of pain and blood loss.

Since it was almost midnight we tried to sleep and put Louisa in her bassinet which was right next to my bed and Taron's couch.

I slept a few hours before I felt incredibly awake. I couldn't even go back to sleep while Taron slept like a dead person. I rolled around and glanced at Lou. I just couldn't stop looking at my daughter.

Lou wasn't having sleep either. She woke up every two hours. I fumbled to hold her, but she wouldn't latch on. I called a nurse and she helped me but next time, I still couldn't do it.

I felt defeated. Was it me?

I ringed a nurse every few hours and with all their help, I managed to get a swing of it eventually.

Never in a million years would I have thought it was this hard.

Taron helped me hold her when she cried and he somehow soothed her. I watched him with our girl, still in yesterday's clothes, his hair dishevelled and the bags under his eyes darkening.

I couldn't believe how lucky I was.

I felt like a train had run over my body the next day. I looked at Taron who barely slept too. The only difference was, he was still handsome as hell. It was quite distracting, but my daughter was my top priority now.

I had ruined my PJ's with blood but I was too focused on caring for the baby. I wondered why nobody had told me to bring clothes nobody gave a shit about.

Taron still called a nurse because he was worried, but she said it was totally normal.

I got up slowly, while Taron wrapped his arms around my body. My muscles were aching from all the pushing the day before and I sighed.

He still had his arms around me even when I was standing and I smiled up at him.

"That's a journey, eh?"

"And we're in this together" he said quietly as he cupped my face in his hands.

"Always" his voice held so much meaning I shivered.

I couldn't handle the way he looked at me every time since birth. It gave me goose bumps. Something had changed now that Lou was here and we had kissed.

It had felt so natural and so good with everything being surreal around us. We still had each other and experienced this crazy journey together. And I wanted to kiss him again.

My body was a rollercoaster of emotions as I let go of him and glanced at Lou in the bassinet, peacefully sleeping.

The good thing was I was allowed to shower now and I felt better. It would just take some getting used to, seeing my body how it looked now. I had expected to look different, to lose more weight right away. I had lost Lou's body weight, but my belly was still huge.

I ran my hands over my body, trying to worship my body how it was now and what it had been capable of, but it was hard.

I got dressed and put my hair in a bun, feeling fresh as a daisy.

At least that was good.

We saw a doctor soon thereafter and he examined me and Lou. He was happy to release us and there we stood, ready to head home.

"I'm scared" I whispered once Taron and I were alone.

"We can do this together" he whispered back, caressing my cheek again.

How would I handle everything without having a call button to call a nurse?

"I know" I sighed "I'm just –"

It felt like so much responsibility to handle.

"We love her. And we will do our best. There is nothing more we can do" he said.

I glanced at him and his eyes were full of love, hope and determination.

I knew we would get through this together after we got through everything life had thrown our way before.

Because we were stronger together.