More than Anything

Everly

    The Catacombs are empty, as they always are at this hour. There's nothing but darkness—save for the few torches—surrounding me. I always hate coming down here to feed, but there's nowhere else I can do it (someone would see me). I quickly drain some rats, thinking about what happened in class today the entire time.
    I shouldn't have seen those memories. They were personal, and maybe Brielle didn't want anyone to know about them. I certainly didn't want Brielle to see me when I was Turned. I don't want anyone to know about what happened; if Grace ever found out, it would hurt her. I have to tell my family that I'm a vampire, but I don't have to tell them every detail.
Once I'm done feeding, I climb the stairs out of the Catacombs, almost sighing with relief when I see some light. I just want to go back to my room, but Brielle will be there. That means I have to deal with her anger and probably a conversation about what happened during class. I don't think I'll ever be ready for this, so I might as well get it over with.
    Brielle is sitting on her bed when I enter our room, and the breath rushes out of my body. She looks so beautiful sitting in her Watford pajamas with her hair flowing down past her shoulders. I want to run over to her and tell her how much I love her. It's only been a day and I already miss her. I miss being around her. I miss everything about her, and it's tearing me apart.
    "Hey," I say, sitting on my bed across from her.
    "Hi," she says. "Where were you?"
"Catacombs."
She nods. "I'm sorry. I forgot about that."
    "Don't worry about it," I say. "I think I'm finally getting used to, you know..."
    "That's good," she says, gently. She looks at me as if I'm causing her pain. Does she truly hate me? Can she have gone back to hating me so quickly? Probably.
    "What's wrong?" I ask, instinctively. I should get used to Brielle not being a part of my life anymore. She's furious, and she has every right to be. What I did was wrong. I definitely screwed up.
    She gives me a questioning look. "Nothing's wrong."
    I shake my head. "Please, Brielle," I say. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but at least talk to someone."
    She closes her eyes, sighing. "You're really dumb, aren't you?"
    Her words take me by surprise. What is she talking about? "I didn't think we were going to do this again," I say, sounding more hurt than I meant to.
    Her eyes widen. "What do you mean?"
    Does she really have no idea what I'm talking about? She must know. Hasn't she felt it? We might be going back to hating each other, and it hurts more than I ever could've imagined.
    "You hate me," I say, trying to keep my voice from cracking. "It feels like we're going back to the way we were before, and I—" I cut myself off before I say too much. Telling Brielle how much I love her won't help me move on. "Forget it. You can hate me all you want. I deserve it."
She shakes her head, looking at me like I've grown a second head. "I don't hate you. Did you really think that?" I nod, and she frowns. "Well, I don't. All I've wanted since that night is to talk to you."
She freezes, shocked by what she just said. "I'm so used to being around you that it hurts when I'm not."
Am I dreaming? She couldn't have just said all of that, not after what I did. She must hate me; I know she does. Which is why I need to wake up from this cruel dream, and get used to my new life. Nothing will be the same without Brielle, but maybe I can move on. I'll have to. She'll find someone else to love, and I can't keep waiting for her to come back. It'll hurt, but I'll move on.
"You can't mean that," I whisper. I shake my head. "Stop playing with my feelings, Taylor." I immediately regret using her last name when I see the sad look on her face. But, I'm not going to apologize for it.
"You used to call me Brielle..." She walks over to me, getting a little too close for me not to notice. She sits down beside me on my bed. I want to kiss her. I want to hold her and never let go.
    I shrug. I can't let her see how much this is hurting me. I need to be okay. I need to be okay so that she can break up with me, and I'll be prepared.
    "Why?" she asks. "Why did you call me Taylor?"
    I sigh. "I just did, okay?"
    "That's not an answer." I don't respond, unsure of what to say. "Please don't ignore me, Everly. I just want to know what's going on."
    "You want to know what's going on?" My voice sounds louder than I meant it to be. "Well, I have no clue. I know that I used a sleeping spell on you, and fought those vampires without you. But, that's all I know. I don't know how you feel about this situation, other than the fact that you're angry, and that's fine. You should be mad at me." My anger rises, and I have no idea why I'm feeling it. I shouldn't be mad. I was wrong, not Brielle.
    "You haven't said a word to me other than when we worked together in class today. You may say that you don't know what any of this means for us, but I think you've already made up your mind. This is going to end with you breaking up with me."
    Brielle looks at me with sadness in her eyes, and I know that I'm right. We're done. I've known this since I cast that stupid spell. If I knew this would happen, then why does it hurt so much?
    "I don't know," she says. "Please believe me when I say that I haven't made up my mind yet."
    I sigh. "You can have as much time as you need, but it already feels like you've ended it. Don't you want to?"
    "Do you?"
    I shake my head. "I love you, Brielle. But, are you really going to forgive me?"
    Tears spring to my eyes when I say the words. I wish that this was just a nightmare, but I know that it's real. We're really talking about this. I'm not going to wake up to Brielle kissing me softly. I won't be able to hold her hand in mine. None of that will happen anymore.
    "I don't know," she whispers.
I don't know. The words are tearing me apart. If she's going to break up with me, I wish she'd just end it, rip off the bandaid. But, this isn't my decision to make. Brielle gets to decide, and I'm not going to rush her.
    "Okay," I say, wiping under my eyes. I hate that she's seeing me like this. She's seen me cry before, but this feels different. The tears are for her. "Let me know when you figure it out."
    Brielle nods. She doesn't move from my bed; she just sits there, and it's getting increasingly hard not to kiss her right now. I love her. I don't think that will ever change. I clench my fists at my sides, trying to push thoughts of kissing Brielle out of my head. It doesn't work.
    I need to get used to this. Brielle's going to break up with me. It might not be today, but she's going to decide that she can't forgive me for what I did.
    "Thank you," Brielle says, finally breaking the silence.
    "Please," I whisper.
    "What?"
    "Get off of my bed."
    Brielle nods and stands, crossing over to her bed. Once I'm sure that she's asleep, I allow the tears to flow. I force back a sob, not wanting to wake Brielle. My efforts are futile and a sob escapes me. I sniffle, wiping my nose on my sleeve. I never thought that Brielle would be able to hurt me like this, but here I am. I cry until sleep takes me.