We are stronger together

- 19 - Insecurities

"Oh Taron" my mom sighed "That is her decision to make"

"I know that" I said quietly "But she doesn't let me help her. She doesn't –"

Why was she fighting our connection so hard?

"She's probably scared" my mom said "After everything she has been through, and you too"

I frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"She blamed herself for getting you in that accident in the first place. Even though it wasn't her fault. You're expecting a child together but you're no couple. How do you think she feels?"

"How do you think I feel?" I called "Sorry"

"Darling" my mom said knowingly "Tell her how you feel about her"

How did my mom know everything even if I didn't say the words?

I let out a breath "It's not that easy"

"I know it isn't. By the way, did you think about my suggestion that you spend Christmas with us? I would love to meet her"

"I'll have to ask her" I said "But I don't have much hope"

Milly

I knew I acted childish yesterday. But I had to protect myself. Because after last night, I knew I loved Taron. Hell, I had probably loved him for longer than that. But he didn't love me back. We would never have what Richard and Sofie had.

And that fact broke my heart.

Because I knew Taron was perfect no matter what.

But I had to protect myself from falling for Taron even harder.

All I wanted was to tell him that I loved him. That I wanted him to be more than just the daddy of my girl.

I woke up to find Taron already gone. He had probably left for work without waking me.

How was this man so perfect?

He hadn't even argued with my decision.

I spent the day inside, wallowing in self-pity. I knew it was probably the wrong decision, but I tried to not judge myself too much.

My body was craving this. Spending the day on the couch, watching TV, eating junk food.

Christmas was right around the corner and I was all on my own with nobody but Taron. I knew Amanda would be on a ski trip so I couldn't spend Christmas with her. And I didn't know if I could spend Christmas with Taron.

Just him and I.

Like a family.

Like a family we never would be. Not in that way at least.

Eventually, I got up and decided to shower and dress. I walked into the kitchen and decided to cook for Taron.

I opted for veggies after eating unhealthy stuff all day.

I heard the door open and close and my heart jumped. Taron used to call "hi" or something but he didn't now, probably because of after what had happened yesterday.

I walked into the hallway and saw him getting out of his trench coat.

"Hi" I said quietly.

"Hi" Taron answered and looked at me.

He walked towards me and it was as if we were both unsure, but I held out my arms and he pulled me into a hug.

I had missed this.

I had missed him.

"I'm cooking dinner" I said once we had broken apart, my voice sounding strange.

"Great, let me just change into comfy clothes" he said.

I gulped as I walked back into the kitchen, trying to focus on the food.

I heard his footsteps approaching and turned around to find him in his sweatpants in tee, just the usual for him, but my heart skipped a beat every time I saw him like that.

"I wanted to apologise for yesterday" I said once he reached me.

He blinked "You don't have to apologise. I get that things are –" he paused "complicated right now"

"Still" I said "I shouldn't have acted the way I did"

"Don't worry about it" his voice was soft, understanding "It's your decision to make. And if you decide –" he let out a breath "to not have me there then that's fine with me"

It was as if he was struggling to say the words but he still did.

How was he even real?

I wanted to tell him that it wasn't about him, that it was just my insecurities and anxiety talking. But I knew it was about him. Because I loved him.

"Thank you for understanding" was what I said instead.

"No worries" Taron smiled.

How would I ever get over him? No man was even close to as perfect as he was.

"Oh, there is something I wanted to ask you" he said then "We don't need to go, my mom just called and asked"

We?

His mom?

I blinked "What is it?"

"My mom invited us to spend Christmas in Aber"