Sugar. Why not?

<I Don't Love You/>

"Sofia"

One word. My name. It holds so much distress and pain. Why is he in pain? Why does it sound like I've hurt him? Regardless I immediately want to apologise and fix it. No matter how silly that sounds.

"Sofia, please. Come inside and we can talk about this" he continues and I grit my teeth to stop more agony overflowing. Talk? All he's gonna do is break up with me. I'll make it easier for him.

"It's okay. We don't need to talk. You don't have to let me down gently or anything. I'm a big girl I'll get over it" I mumble. I feel him step closer, his aura chaotic. Aura? Who the hell do I think I am? I ain't spiritual and I'm not even sure what an aura is but I feel something coming from him.

"What? I don't understand?" He questions and finally I have to look at him before my own neck snaps with the temptation. Fuck it Sofia! You really have it bad. You also have it wrong.

His forehead is creased with a confused frown. His eyes wild as he tries to understand something. I don't know what he doesn't understand. Anyway he's gorgeous and I'm a mess.

Those wild eyes widen when he takes in my tear streaked face and in seconds he's reaching to cup my cheeks. Warmth. Passion... but not love on his part.

"Don't cry. I'm not worth it Darling" he assures me but it certainly isn't assuring. I can't help but laugh bitterly.

"Well I apologise for crying. It just sucks to know I've been incredibly stupid. I knew from the beginning this shouldn't be anything serious and now I've ruined it. Now you're going to leave me and-"

"What?! I'm not leaving you!" He yells, pulling me from the rock and capturing me in his strong arms. God why is he doing this to me?

"You're not?" I squeak and he shakes his head frantically. "But you don't feel the same way? So why would stay with me?"

I'm trying not to hold onto any hope. I don't want to think anything will change. He's not going to suddenly love me.

"Come on, let's go inside and I'll tell you exactly how I feel. It may not make any sense but I'm praying it'll be enough" he explains, worry evident on his face. Is he worried that I'll leave him? This is all so confusing.

My mind is reeling. I don't know what to say or do. I don't know what's going on. All I can do is let him drag me back to our little holiday house in silence.

We may not be saying anything but our insides rage and war. There's a lot going on and I'm not sure how we'll survive it.

His hand tightens in mine as we make it back. He slides the glass doors shut and guides me to the sofa where he lets me go and I panic.

Should I be doing something? Saying something? He said he's not leaving me but he's pacing back and forth as if he's working up the courage to let me go. It frightens me more than I want to admit.

"Patrick...whatever you feel, just tell me. I can't promise not to be upset but I won't hold anything against you if that's what you're worried about"

"I'm not worried about you holding a grudge Darling. I'm worried about the same thing you seem to be worried about" he breathes hard, his hands shoved in his pockets deep as he burns a hole in the ground.

So I was right? I think. He's worried I'll leave him? What? Why? My head is spinning, my heart thudding and grasping at the tiniest bit of hope that we'll make it out of this together and not torn apart.

"Okay...I'm just...I'm just gonna tell you"

Shit. This is a little nerve wracking. He stops in front of me and then kneels there too, his face level with mine. He takes my hands and looks as terrified as I feel.