Back To You || Chaennie

IV

Her hands travel down the sides of my body before gripping onto my waist. She holds onto me tightly while my arms wrap around her neck, pulling her closer.

We missed each other so much that we couldn't get enough of the kiss.

The way her lips gently suck on mine and the way her tongue fights for dominance, which I gladly allow. We are so into the kiss that we don't care that someone may see us.

Suddenly my body freezes and it takes me a few seconds to realize what is actually happening, and when I do, I push her away.
"Don't, Rosie," I close my eyes and shake my head. "Please don't do this."

"I still love you, Jen," she whispers.

I finally open my eyes and see all of the hurt and confusion swimming in hers.
Everything that I've worked so hard to build for myself, all of the walls and the rational thoughts, seem to be thrown out the window at her confession. I don't even know how to respond. I still love her, I do, but after everything we've been through, I don't know if we can even begin to fix it.

"Rosie," I don't even know where to start. My mouth opens and closes before I can get anything else out. "We both live separate lives now. We're constantly all over the world. And with everything we've been through..." I trail off.

"So you don't even want to try?" she asks with hopelessness in her voice.

"Do you?" I turn the question back around because at this point, I'm not sure of my answer.

"I'd do anything to have you back in my life, even if that means just as friends," she responds, her eyes searching mine for some kind of assurance that things could be okay between us.

"Why? Why now? Why all of a sudden do you want whatever this is? You've been completely fine without me and –"

"I haven't been, Jennie. Don't you realize that now? I've never been fine without you. I went straight into my solo career because I couldn't give myself any down time to think about what a mess my life had become. I was lost without you," she pleads with me to realize how much this hurt her too, when all this time I thought I was the only one hurting.

"Rosie..." my mind is still struggling to come up with something to say.

"I understand that this is all sudden, I get that. I didn't have the intention of throwing this all at you today. But I can't help myself with you, Jennie. And you don't have to give me an answer right now. Just, think about it, okay?" she asks.

I struggle with my emotions fighting inside of my head, the ones telling me to just open up to her and let her back in my life, and the ones telling me to stay as far away as possible. I can't put myself through that hell of losing her again.

"Okay," is all I can respond before she gives me a small nod and turns to enter her car.

I watch her back out and pull away, leaving me standing there alone. But hey, it's not the first time that's happened.
I turn and head towards the stairs, making it up to my own car, replaying everything that just happened in my mind.

Our arguments were always like that, a mess of emotions, especially towards the end of things. We would go from screaming to apologizing to accusing to silence. But that's what she did to me. She made me feel a whole range of emotions.

---

It takes me almost two weeks to finally come to terms with what happened at lunch with Rosie. I never dreamed that that one day would throw my life into a complete loop.

The past few days have been full of album promotions and radio interviews, which has helped in taking my mind of things for those few minutes that I'm talking about my new music. But the rest of my time is spent with my thoughts revolving around Rosie, which is honestly nothing new, but I had been getting so much better at letting the past go. And now it's blown up in my face all over again.

I also took the time to listen to Rosie's album, even though it felt like it took all of the strength in the world to do so. But hearing some of the lyrics really put things in perspective for me. She was being honest when she said I wasn't the only one hurting after the break up. That much I know now.

As much as I've struggled with decision of letting her back into my life or not, I've finally come to a conclusion, as stupid as it may be.

I pull out my phone and send a single text.

Jennie: Hey Rosie. I'm heading back to Seoul in a few days. I was wondering if you would want to get together and talk.

Rosie: Hey Jen. Of course. I can't wait to see you again.

No matter what. No amount of hurdles. No hardships. No fights. No arguments. Nothing can stop me from coming back to you. I'll find my way back to you.

I will always run BACK TO YOU