Navy Blue Eyes

My Dream

Chapter 7

I've decided what to do.
I know now that I won't and absolutely can't let my feelings get in the way of being best friends with Travis. I tried not thinking about him. But obviously we saw how that didn't work out. Tried ignoring him. Tried pretending he didn't exist. Tried stopping our friendship altogether. But none of those things ended up working. So maybe going back to being friends like before and pretending that I'm not, you know, in love with him, everything will be back to the way it was before. And I didn't  ruin anything.
Although this means I have to manage the whole "Travis liking Emma and their hot and cold relationship" thing. But then again I need to accept it in order to move on and keep our friendship. But I guess I'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Travis is special and has always been a wonderful friend to me. I won't let my feelings waste anymore time in our friendship. High School's only so long.
I'm already a few months into my 3rd year of high school, 11th grade. And if my plan works out how I desperately want it to then I hopefully won't be here for my last year of high school.
Here, meaning in America.
It's always been my dream to study abroad. Specifically in England. I've always wanted to live in England. So my plan is to become an exchange student. It's the perfect plan. I get to live there for a year, see if I like it, and decide if I actually want to live there for real one day.
I haven't really talked to this with anyone except my parents and my guidance counselor. But I've done everything I can to make it happen. Taken online classes over the summer so I have enough credits. Got my GPA up last year and all I have to do is pass a 11th grade without our anything less then a B-, but I'm still trying to get all As this year.
I've never really tried in school before 10th grade. Never really had any motivation to. I had a horrible first year of high school, all my middle school friends ditched me within the first few months of school, so I had no one. I ate lunch in the bathroom everyday because I had no one to sit with at lunch. No one noticed.
I became very unhappy. I fell into a really dark place and I was failing most of my classes. My mom took me to the a doctor and they diagnosed me with clinical depression. They gave me anti-depressants to help, along with going to a therapist every 2 weeks. Both I still do today.
The biggest thing that's helps me, is having something to look forward to. Which becoming an exchange student my Senior year is for me. Otherwise, living day to day feels impossible.
Travis doesn't really know about my horrible freshmen year. Or my depression. He moved here in the beginning of 10th grade. We met each other in Science class.
We both didn't have any friends. But we soon had each other. I've never really wanted to talk my horrible first year of high school. So I told him my best friend moved away over the summer. I felt really guilty lying but I didn't want him to see me in the way that I saw myself.
Having him as a friend has really helped me nowadays. And in ways that he will never really understand or know about. He always pushed me to go out on Friday nights even when I said would rather stay in. Also to make me actually do stuff on the weekends, which I never did before he came along. I used to just stay in bed doing nothing. Without him, I honestly didn't think I would've lasted another school year. For all he's done for me, I couldn't let my stupid feelings get in the way of us being best friends.

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*This is kind of a filler chapter but I hope to enjoyed reading anyways, and got more of an insight on Charlotte's character. If you ever need someone to rant, vent, or just talk to you can always message me. Seriously. Thank you so much for reading!*