i think i love you • matthew healy

3. london

"you're in london?" for a moment i hear nothing but pure excitement in george's voice. "jesus, rhian, have you been here all this time?"

"yeah." i say quietly. "listen, G, i'm... i know you've been busy and i know you don't want me around and all but—" i take a deep breath. "i just feel the need to show up and apologise."

his line goes quiet for what seems like forever.

maybe this is a fucking mental idea.

i could hang up, make a silly excuse like having downed a bottle of wine and feeling a bit emotional. george would probably understand wouldn't he? he'd always been the one to understand me. matty was too caught up in himself to even do the sa—

"this is probably the best surprise i've gotten all year." george says. i can tell he's been climbing a flight of stairs from the sound of his breathing. "listen, i'll text you the address. please come by. we've missed you. and i won't tell matty, i promise, i want it to be a surprise."

my heart drops a little at the thought of seeing them again. "that's... great." i say. "thank you. thanks so much george."

"i'm so happy to here from you, rhian. guess we'll see you then?"

i realise i've been nervously tugging on the loose fabric of my sweater. "okay. see you, george."

for some reason i feel like george had been smiling even as i hang up the call.

"how was it sweetheart?" alice shouts excitedly from over the telly, her hand sitting on ollie's thigh.

in all honesty my mind is running a million miles a minute and all i can do is stare at the wall. what the fuck did i just do.

—

i'm standing outside his door.

my heart is beating out of my fucking chest. my hands are trembling and i'm not quite sure if it's the weather (it had just rained) or if it's the fact that i'm about to face something i have been escaping for so fucking long.

it had only taken me about less than an hour to get to central london actually, but doing the preparations took me about three. i had stood frozen under the shower for half an hour, just letting the memories seep under my skin.

then i cried for another half hour.

alice had me wear her white coat over my black polo neck jumper, just so i wouldn't look much of a drab. it took me forever to get my hair to actually look decent-- i had it clipped one part to the side because the weather's been windy lately.

nervous is an understatement. my hands have never been this clammy before.

i clutch my phone tightly, waiting for a vibration signaling george's reply to the text i had sent minutes ago.

hi, g. i'm right outside, honestly too nervous to knock if that's ok. let me know if you're by the door. - rhiannon

i couldn't get myself to read back on the past texts he had sent me throughout the year.

especially matty's.

mostly matty's.

he isn't a fan of texting, for sure, he mostly left voice messages for the first couple months and gradually stopped. it feels a little weird to have more texts from george than from my own ex boyfriend,  but it is what it is i suppose.

i realise i never actually blame them for letting go so easily. i went radio silent and even turned my phone off for months on end. i'm the complete tosser and it's only right i'm feeling this way.

it's only right i want the ground to swallow me whole at the moment.

my phone doesn't vibrate but the door slightly opens and i hold my breath.

george looks different.

he'd chopped off his dirty blond hair that once sat above his shoulders, now it's slicked all the way back and it makes him look all cleaned up.

he closes the door behind him quietly before taking a step forward and wrapping me around his pale arms, my head now buried in his chest.

"george..." i whisper to his white tee shirt. he smells of coffee and mint cigarettes and it takes my mind back to living with them in manchester.

my chest feels a hundred times my weight. tears are stinging my eyes. i'm so sorry, george.

his eyes look sad in a way.

"i'm so sorry, rhian." he whispers, his chin sitting on top of my head.

i look up to see him frowning at me.

"matty didn't tell me. i thought it was just gonna be us."

they did say they were having an interview a few hours ago. maybe the people still haven't left.

"oh," i exhale, shaking my head, "that's alright, i can come back if that's more convenient—"

"i meant gabby's here, rhian. she'd been here since last night."

—

a/n: fuck lol sorry

i miss having george in this story i live for the subtle sexual tension they have lmao