We are stronger together

- 2 - Expecting

And there I sat and felt unable to move. How was I ever supposed to make a decision that was so life-changing? And why did I feel like whatever I decided would be the wrong choice?

I got up and glanced at my watch. It was already 7 PM and Josh was probably already wondering where I was.

I walked to the Tube, too caught up in my pregnancy thoughts to recognise what was happening around me. It was all a blur until I arrived back home and unlocked the door.

"There you are" Josh said, sounding relieved "I have been wondering where you were"

I shrugged as I dropped my handback on the dresser. "Sorry"

"Don't worry, baby" he kissed me on the forehead before pulling me into a hug.

I sighed against him and felt tears welling up in my eyes. How should I ever tell him?

"There is something I have to tell you" I whispered, my voice quivering.

Josh's eyes widened with worry "What happened? Is it something about the results?"

I guess you could say that.

I nodded and gulped.

"Whatever it is, we can get through it together" he said quietly as he wrapped his hands around my waist.

My whole body felt cold before I spoke "I'm pregnant"

Josh's hands around my waist tightened and he smiled "We're pregnant?"

He was so excited and I had to crush his dreams. I was pregnant, but it wasn't his baby.

"Not quite" I said, not meeting his eyes.

His hands dropped from my waist and he crossed them in front of his body, frowning. Thank God he didn't yell at me.

"Let me explain" I said quietly "When I was at the gynaecologist for my routine appointment they mixed up my file with another patient's and they –" I paused "They accidentally artificially inseminated me"

"What?" Josh called as he ran his hand through his hair. "I have never heard anything like that before"

"I know" I deadpanned, still not meeting his eyes "But it's the truth"

And I could only hope he would believe me.

"I'm sorry baby" Josh's voice was calmer now "I can't believe this happened to you"

I sniffled "I know. I can't quite believe it either"

He put his hand under my chin and forced me to meet his eyes. "Come here"

He didn't look happy but pulled me into a hug "I'll be there for you through this"

I exhaled in relieve until he spoke "Did you get the meds yet?"

He let go of me and I frowned at him.

"Which meds?"

He looked at me as if I was stupid "For the abortion"

My blood drained from my face and I knew right there what I wanted.

"I don't want an abortion"

Josh blinked a few times and took a step back "What? Why?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. It feels wrong to do it"

"Wrong?" he raised his eyebrows "It feels wrong to keep it if you ask me"

I was disappointed at his reaction. Did that mean he would leave me no choice?

"I don't know what that will do to my body and I don't want to risk anything" I said quietly.

"But where does that leave us?" I asked

I needed certainty. Now more than ever.

Josh looked down. "I love you no matter what but –" he paused "I'm not sure about raising another man's baby"

Could I blame him really? Yes, I could. Because it hadn't been my fault I was pregnant. And it was my body and I decided to keep the baby. Wherever those thoughts came from.

I absentmindedly ran a hand over my belly and my heart jumped.

Josh exhaled "What about the biological dad?"

I looked at my fiancé, shook to the bone with my news.

"I met him earlier. They introduced us to – you know"

"To what?" he frowned.

"To get to know each other. Or just to get to talk in case –" I sighed "I don't know"

"Who is he?" Josh asked calmly.

I was surprised he was so calm after he basically told me to have an abortion.

"He's nice" I shrugged "He genuinely seems like –" I stopped.

He genuinely seemed like he would be a great dad. And that he wanted to be one, badly.

"Nice?" Josh repeated.

I nodded "Yeah. Him and his girlfriend couldn't get pregnant so they wanted to try this way and –" I shrugged "Well..."

I ended up pregnant, instead of his girlfriend.

Josh ran a hand through his hair "I – I think I need some time to process this"

I nodded as I watched him head towards our bedroom.

I stood there, in the hallway, and felt like crying.

Would I lose the love of my life over this? Was this baby really worth it?

But deep down I knew the answer to that.

Yes, it would be.

I knew there was one person I needed to call.

I rummaged through my handbag until I found my phone and dialled.

"Hi you" my friend Amanda answered "How are you?"

Her voice was so soft I just started sobbing right there.

I sniffled "I'm pregnant"

"Oh congrats!" she called "I didn't know you already started trying but this is great –"

I just pressed my lips together and shook my head

"It's not Josh's baby" I interrupted her before she could go on further over how great the news were.

The line went dead.

"Amanda?" I called.

"Still there" she said quietly "What happened?"

I told her everything and she sounded as confused as I felt.

"You're telling me you were accidentally artificially inseminated?"

"Yes" I said as I blew my nose "And that's not all"

"What else is there?" she asked in disbelief.

It was pretty much to handle, mainly for myself.

"It's Taron's baby"