The Darkness of Day

Prologue: Part 2

It had been a year.

Jon could remember the horrors every day he had gone through when they had sieged Kings Landing a year ago. But nothing compared to the pain he felt within himself.

Jon never wanted to have any claim to a throne. He never wanted to be someone that others thought as important. For most of his life, all he ever wanted was to gain the respect of his father and to become a true-born Stark. Hell, even to prove to Catelyn that he was worthy.

But that had all been bullshit. Everything was bullshit now.

From the moment Sam told him of his true parentage, he knew nothing would ever be the same between him and Dany, but he never thought it would have gotten to the point where he would have to make the ultimate decision in either killing her or killing the world.

And he had killed her.

And now, a year later, and many sleepless nights, he regretted it. Intensely.

It wasn't just the screams of the people burning, the shouts of pain from the soldiers, or the crumbling of buildings. It was her eyes. That look of utter betrayal and a mixture of love as he plunged a sword deep into her heart and sent her to the floor, feeling her die in his arms. It was that pain that he was pretty sure was supposed to be for Daenerys, was inside of him.

When Drogon had flown into the throne room and roared in anguish at his dead mother, melting down the Iron Throne, all Jon could do was watch as he carried her away. Right after, Greyworm had rushed in and asked what happened, and Jon had said everything. He had told them he had killed her, and they had dragged him off to a cell.

In all honesty, he deserved that cell. He deserved to be locked up and never seen again because every part of him regretted killing her. At the time, he had still been reeling from the news of who he was, of what his life meant, and what his past meant more. He had still been coming to terms with it.

Yes, the idea had shocked him at first, but after some time, it wasn't even that horrible of an idea. Marrying cousins and family members was standard practice, and at the end of the day, it wasn't like they were siblings like Cersei and Jaime. They had never known each other, had never been related in any nature until they met, and out of everyone, he had loved her.

More than anyone.

Many people would be confused about why, but there were so many reasons. She had been kind and sweet to those who needed it but was ruthless and hard when she knew she had to be and knew when to keep people in line and rule. She made sure she put others' needs before her own but didn't fight when people went against her ideals in the end. She had always made sure to help him, and he would help her.

But then she lost most of her men, and then her main protector, Jorah, and then one of her best friends, Missandei, and then another one of her dragons...and he had been dumb enough to say he couldn't love her more than a queen.

And fuck was he wrong.

In all honesty, he had done it because of Tyrion, because he had said that if he didn't kill her, she would go after his family. And killing her should have been the last thing on his mind, for fuck's sake. He could have talked her down, agreed with her on things, tried to make her see that people would bend to her if she compromised, but he had been dumb and went along with the stupid decision of killing her.

And now, he was haunted by it every day. There had been so many moments when he would just stare at a fire, seeing her face etched into the flames, their moments of solitude before everything went to shit.

He had loved Ygritte, but that paled in comparison to the love he felt for Daenerys. And he never had the chance to truly tell her. And now he never would.