Mommy, Alone.

        I was excited when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know how far along I was; all I knew was that the test came back positive and that a small squeal of happiness escaped my throat. I laid the test down on the sink and picked up the phone, dialing my husband's number. 

     We'd only been married a year, but had been trying for a baby the last few months. I had wanted to wait until my twenty-second birthday to start trying to conceive so when that day came, we started trying. 

     Now it had came. 

   " Hello?" Ben answered his phone on the third ring. He sounded distracted and I imagined him filing papers at his desk. Accountants didn't lead exciting jobs.

    " Hey, it's me." I responded, barely able to contain myself. " Guess what."

    " Hey babe, what is it?" His voice lightened a little. 

    " We're pregnant." I blurted out in one breath. 

    The other line went quiet for a moment and I could hear him breathing. When the minute mark passed, I grew concerned. 

     " Ben?" I asked. 

     " Oh my god, " he finally said. Then louder, " oh my god."

    I laughed a little. 

    " OH MY GOD, YES. " He practically shouted. " Dave, guess what?"

    I heard someone close by him mumble a response.

   " We're pregnant!" He told his co-worker excitedly. 

   " I take it you're happy?" I asked, giggling. 

    " Yes." He finally came back to the phone, calming down. " I'm taking off early and coming home and taking us out to dinner."

    " Oh really now?"

    " Yes, get dressed up. It'll be fancy." He said. 

    " Ooh, Mr. Chamberlain, how kind of you." I replied, grinning like a school girl with a crush. 

    " Indeed, Mrs. Chamberlain. See you at five."

    " Bye, babe, love you." I chirped.

    " Love you, too." Then we hung up and I dashed to the bedroom closet, pulling out all of my nice dresses. I might as well wear them while I still had my figure. 

    I shivered with delight as I slid on a burgundy dress that buttoned all the way up the front and a pair of gold sandals. I sat down in front of my vanity and artfully put on my make-up and curled my black hair. 

     Ben and I had been together for five years now, having met when I was only eighteen. I couldn't believe we were finally going to have a baby. Maybe we were young in a sense, but we were wanting this for so long. 

     When five O' clock came around, I was pacing back and forth in front of our living room window. Then it became Five- thirty, then six. 

    " Must be stuck in traffic, " I said to myself, picking up the phone and dialing his number. It rang and rang and rang. Unlike Ben at all. Even at work, he would pick up on the third ring. He was predictable like that. 

    I hung up and re-dialed the number, but again got no answer.

    It was nearly six-thirty and I wearing a line on the floor from pacing. Ben never missed a call or was never late. He was always there and always on time. He was impeccable. 

    Finally, I called a fourth time and someone picked up.

    " Hello?" They answered, grim. 

    " Ben?" I knew it wasn't Ben. 

    " Who is this?" He asked, very authoritative. 

    " Julie, I'm Ben's wife. " My voice cracked. 

    There was a long pause on the phone. 

    " There's been an accident, ma'am." 

    My life felt like it ended in that very moment. I couldn't move from the couch, I just stared in to nothing as the police officer on the other line explained what happened and what I needed to do. 

     Benjamin Chamberlain had been rushing home early to celebrate the news with his wife when a semi-truck ran a red light and totaled in little Subaru station wagon. His life was ended instantly. They told me he didn't feel a thing.

    But I felt it. I felt like I'd been hit my a semi and was left breathless and reaching for something, anything, to grabd ahold of. I wasn't me. I wasn't anything. I was nothing. I was nothing if Ben didn't exist in this world.

    I couldn't even register that thought, my brain wouldn't let me admit it. 

   Not even when I went down to he morgue to identify his body. I vomited when the pulled the sheet away from his face. He looked like Ben, but he couldn't be Ben. Ben was at work and was going to be home at eight like he always was. 

    This person was pale, bruised, and lifeless. Not like Ben at all. 

   But my mouth said, " yes, that's him." 

    They set me up with a funeral home to make arrangements once the papers were sent in and filed on the accident. I was far away from the world, far away from feeling the gravity of the situation. 

    Things like this can't happen to me. How could he be dead if I had talked to him three hours ago- had told him I loved him, the good news. 

    Dead.

    How could he be dead?