My Emotions

I Feel Tired, Exhausted And I Regret

Tw:daddy issues

I feel like the world stopped 2hrs ago.

I'm tired and exhausted
and I feel lonely.
I wish that everything could go back to normal.

I'm tired and exhausted
and I feel sorry for everything I've done.
I wish that I had been a better daughter, sister, friend, classmate and just in general person.

I'm tired and exhausted
and I wish I could have been with you.
Whoever even is you?
Where can I love you?
Where can I find and feel you?
Where can we exist?

I'm tired and exhausted
and I feel like no one is capable of loving me.
I can't imagine being someone's first thought when they're waking up.
I can't imagine anyone feeling this kind of loyalty and devotion towards me.
I can't imagine anyone missing me.
I can't imagine anyone being afraid of losing me.

I'm tired and exhausted
and I wish I had noticed earlier how much I need you
and now you left.
You love me unconditionally or that's how it seems like and you still left.

My time with you is over.
I won't be your little girl ever again.
You won't feel proud of me nor praise me like you used to.
I missed 3 years with you and it'll be even more.
I just want to be loved.
Why did she say that you're incapable of love?
Please.
I beg you to tell me.
Is that true?
Are you truly incapable of loving from your heart?

I'm tired and exhausted
and it's my fault for existing.
I wish I could have known how it all continued.
I wish I could have known about loving you.
My heart is dying because I noticed I will never get anything back.
I just miss you.
How did I forget how you felt like?
Why did she had to make me hate you?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for being such a horrible daughter.
I just wish you would have been a better dad from the start because maybe then I could have known to love you wholeheartedly.

I'm tired and exhausted and it's because I've been crying and it wasn't even long.
I'm just not used to crying because for the love of God I've always wanted you to be proud of me.

February of 2021