𝘉𝘖𝘕𝘋𝘚 | ⁿᵃʳᵘᵗᵒ

fifty one

I arrived in front of the house, staring up at it with lips pressed into a firm line.

My legs were stiff. They didn't want to move. They didn't want to climb the steps to do what I should. Because I was scared. Mostly of the intimacy of what I was planning to do. He may have kissed me, but that didn't mean he would want me around in a time such as this. My old man however, thought differently. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, he was wiser than I was, and had a much better grasp on this emotional shit. At least better than I did.

I balled my hands into fists at my sides, and took a deep breath, closing my eyes. Staring into the darkness behind my lids, I willed my heartbeat to slow in my chest. It was a dull thump now, not as overwhelming as before. The tension in my shoulders began to loosen, and I felt the frustration, the pent up emotion fade away.

A little trick an old friend taught me.

My feet made quiet noises as I climbed the steps. Coming to stop in front of the door, I raised my hand to knock, but hesitated. My hand hovered before the wood panel of the shoji door, an internal battle for whether I was to make a move or not going on in my brain.

Closing my eyes once again, I took a sharp intake of breath, before rapping my knuckles against the wood.

There was nothing for a second. I almost thought about turning away and disappearing as if I hadn't been there in the first place. But as the distant shuffling from inside came closer, I knew I couldn't turn away. Not from him. Not when he really needed someone. Especially not as he pulled the door open, his entire frame seeming to be drooping. His hair didn't stick up as much as it normally did, reminding me of the way a dogs ears would fall when sad or in trouble. His eyes were red and glossy. There was no point in bringing it up. I knew what it was from.

"Kohana?" He spoke, his voice quiet. Raising a hand to his face, he rubbed at it slowly. "What... what are you doing here?"

I paused, licking at my lower lip. Attempting to wet my extremely dry mouth.

"I came... to see you."

He stared at me for a moment, before letting out a dry laugh. "I'm sorry. But I uh—I'm really not in the mood to hang out at the moment... so..."

I shook my head. "No I—that's not what I meant. I wouldn't come here for that. At least... at least not today."

Katsu stared at me, hand on the wooden door frame. He stood a lot like he had a couple months ago when I gave him the money. The night he kissed me. Though there wasn't that look of sleepiness. He did look tired, but not from physical exhaustion. He was mentally drained. Emotionally drained. The sight of him... it... it made my heart throb in ways I didn't like.

"Can I come in?"

He blinked at me. I stared at him, fully willing to take a no if he gave it to me, but he didn't turn me away. He just rubbed at his face again, before nodding and stepping to the side for me to go in.

I stepped in and slid off my shoes, Katsu closing the door behind me.

He didn't wait, walking down the hall and turning a corner, fully expecting me to follow after him. I sighed, standing up straight and running a hand through my hair. Staring after the spot he'd just disappeared around, I gave a small shake of my head, before going the same way he had.