sincerely yours | chaelisa

01 | dear lisa

TRIGGER WARNING:
This entire book deals with very sensitive topics which are (but are not limited to) suicide, depression, anxiety, and death. If one of those are your triggers AND still want to read this fanfic, please do proceed with caution. (This fic does not romanticize suicide and depression. It shows the reality of it and hopefully, brings awareness to the readers.)
___________________________

Dear Lisa

If you're reading this, I'm sorry.

The words replayed in my head as my feet tithered at the edge; they were read out loud in her voice. I gulped as I felt my cold sweat drip down in beads down my face. I closed my eyes.

I loved you.

The wind was strong. I knew if I didn't move quick enough, the wind would make this decision for me. I've thought about doing this for weeks now. I thought it would be easier...

I still love you up to the moment I write this.

But when you're actually there, about to do it...

In the last days of my life, you were the only thing left in my heart. I only loved you and nothing else.

Everything gets loud and heavy. You feel like your feet are heavy, almost as if you're planted on the surface you're on. It gets hard.

I wish loving you could have saved me but it is just now that I am realizing that nothing is enough to save me. I'm really sorry.

My eyes were shut so tight that the tears stung when they left my eyes. I kept myself from sobbing because one small step and I'd be gone.

Did I really want to do this? I took a deep gulp. My parents were devout Catholics. When Jennie died, they told me they would pray for her soul but that nothing could save her from... hell.

I wondered. If I did it now, if I jumped, would they pray to save my soul? And would I want to be saved? Maybe if I jumped, I'd be with Jennie.

Wherever she may be.

Fuck, I loved her. I still do.

Lisa, I'm sorry but I have to go.

I stopped reading at that point. Nothing could change the fact that she left me to be alone. Nothing she had said could bring her back. If I read more of the letter, I would be too much of a mess to deal with myself and life.

I thought that maybe, if I jump, I would meet her and she'd tell me everything we have left unsaid. I would prefer her talking to me face-to-face telling me what she would want to say rather than have a piece of paper tell me. I would do everything just to be with her. I would do everything even kill myse—

"Hey," My eyes opened violently and all the noise in my head disappeared; it was replaced by the sound of the river beneath me and the sound of distant cars. I nearly tripped of shock at the voice. I took a step back, gasping at the fact that I nearly fell over without being ready for it. I clutched my heart, feeling it beat hard against my chest. It took a while before I finally looked behind me to the source of the voice.

It was a pale girl with long blonde hair. She had a black ribbon tying up half her hair. The pale girl was clad in an all white lace dress with puff sleeves. For a moment, in my initial shock, I thought she was Jennie's ghost because she looked Korean too and her accent reminded me a lot of Jennie's. But Jennie had dark hair and strong, fierce eyes. This girl was pale all over and had subtle eyes. Her features were soft. She did not seem fazed by the sight of me on the ledge; she looked more curious than afraid.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her as I wiped tears from my eyes.

She shrugged. "I should be asking you the same thing."

I gulped a bit. My mind was so befuddled and I couldn't piece together my thoughts. I looked at the pale curious girl and back at the raging river under the bridge.

"You know, legally, I have to call the police or else, I would be guilty of letting this happen." She said it in a nonchalant yet sweet voice. She paused before she was walked nearer me. "Maybe, get down there?"

She didn't say it with pity and it shocked me. She looked more curious than anything. I looked once more at the raging river and gulped. My thoughts were so loud that I finally got down, sitting down on the ledge first before stepping down cautiously. My hands were still shaking the entire time. I took a look at her and she tilted her head.

"Lisa? Lisa Manoban?" She asked.

"H-how do you know me?"

"I go to your school." She nodded with a small smile. "Are you okay?"

I was at a loss for words. Moments ago, I was near falling to my death. Now, I was talking to some girl I have never seen before. What the fuck was happening?

"It's 3 AM." It was all I could say. What else do you say? What else did I have to say? I was still in shock.

She nodded. "Well, I'm going home now. Can you promise me that after I go, you're not gonna jump?"

I blinked a few times. It was all so confusing to me. She clicked her tongue. "Lalisa, promise or I'm calling the police." She said firmly and stuck a pinky out.

I latched my pinky with hers. Her hand felt warm against my freezing, sweaty hand. She smiled, contented. "Alright, I believe you. I'll see you in school tomorrow."

And so she walked away. I watched her white, luminescent figure walk away as I tried to breathe and recover.

Who was she?