Internally

again

"Daaaad! He's not waking up! And he's on his floor!" I heard as I slowly woke up. "Nevermind!"

I moved my arm and the needle was shown clearly next to me. She looked at it and gasped. Fuck!

"Daaaad!!!" She called out again.

Starting to run out the door. I quickly jumped up and ran after her. She ran to the kitchen where dad was. I caught up to her before she could go in and held her back with my hand over her mouth. I felt a few tears hit my hand. Fuck. My dad came out.

"Let go of your sister." He sighed. I shook my head no. He started walking to my room.

"Fine." I finally gave in. He stopped. I let go of her. She pointed at me.

"Jeremy's on drugs!" She announced.

He ran to my room. But before I could get fully into my room he already saw it. He gave me a glare that could burn through a hundred brick walls. He was enraged.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" He yelled.

"Dad! I can explain!" I pleaded.

"THEN PLEASE! EXPLAIN WHY THE FUCK YOU HAVE HEROIN!" I stayed silent. "EXACTLY! DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING CLUE HOW BAD THIS SHIT IS!?"

I shook my head no. He started putting it all back in the box. He grabbed me by the ear.

"Casey, we'll be back in a minute." He announced. I sat in the front passenger seat.

"What are we doing?" I asked. He was a lot more calm now.

"When I did Heroin. My brother threw the box that I kept it in in a river, off the bridge. So I'm gonna make you throw it off." He answered.

He pulled over before we got to the bridge. His hands were shaking and was obviously paranoid about being by the bridge. Now that I think about it, never in my life have I seen him by any bridge acting normal. He made me throw the box off. But he stayed off of it. We walked back to car. He was once again, paranoid about going over the bridge.

"You just drive over the bridge. Why are you always so paranoid about bridges?" I asked.

He just shook his head. He held his breath as we drove over it and as he drove on the other one on the way back.

We didn't speak a word about any of that anymore. I stood by my dad's door and listen in on my dad talking on the phone with my uncle Curtis; his brother.

"I think I'm gonna have a legitimate mental breakdown... Well, Alice divorced me and moved to Missouri, just found out my son does Heroin, and I was by a bridge, and had flashbacks... No, I will not get over that. You know what dad did, you were there too... Well sometimes I wish we didn't."

I ran back to my room. Casey was searching through my room.

"What's are you doing in here?" I asked.

"Going through your room to make sure there's no more drugs." She sneered. She looked on my top drawer. "What the hell? Why do you have this? I didn't realize you were that gay."

I knew what she was talking about. God dammit. I closed the drawer.

"Look, it's not for me. It's for whenever I had a girl over. And I'm not gay. I'm bisexual. God." I explained.

"Whatever you say weirdo." She rolled her eyes walking out.

I can't believe I just had that conversation with my little sister. And the fact that she even knew what that was and used for... disturbed me...