My Bad Boy Best Friend

Chapter 21: But maybe it's not time for closure yet?

"My little sister got sick." He didn't elaborate and I didn't ask. It didn't matter.

"Oh. I thought she just transferred to another school or something?"

"No, no, she got sick. My dad couldn't take it, he left one night, and you know Lex, when something like that happens it makes you look back on everything you've done up to that point. It forces you to reflect. And so I did. That changes a person I guess?"

"Nick, I'm sorry," I said, genuinely apologetic.

"Don't be, shit happens, we just gotta do what we can, right?"

"Is she better now?"

"She's--uhm--yeah, I suppose she is." He smiled, sadly.

"And you?"

"I'm fine. Hey, you feeling better now?" He seemed eager to change the subject. And I didn't mind. He wasn't faking concern. He was really here for me.

Maybe this is what love is? Caring about someone this much?

I didn't have to worry about what he'd think. This was Nick, we'd already seen the worst of each other. I mean, the fuck had broken up with me twenty five minutes after he took my virginity, we were way past ugly.

Eventually I pulled away from him.

"Nick," I sucked in a heavy, wet breath, "would you ever--would you ever consider getting back together?"

"Lexi, no, come on, we both know better." He laughed. It was a laugh trying to hide something. He was fucking terrified of the idea. He knew he'd mess it up again and then what would he say to himself to make everything better?

That's the problem with second chances, isn't it? Where do you go after you fuck those up?

"No, listen, I'm serious." I shook my head, hoping he'd change his mind. I placed my hand on his and looked at him earnestly.

"I don't just want to be a rebound, besides, Lex, I think we've broken each other's hearts enough already." No, no, that's not good enough. If he wanted out, he'd have to fight his way out, he knew that.

"I don't care. I just--I want to be with you. With this version of you." It was true. For my own purely selfish reasons I did have the desire to stay perfectly wrapped up with him. I could spend hours just looking at him.

"Lexi I don't make a very convincing voice of reason." He sighed. It meant he was going to stop trying.

"No, you don't. Nick...this could be perfect?"

"I'm not looking for a relationship with you Lexi, we agreed this was just closure." The act of pulling away from someone was so much more than just the physical pulling away part. And that's where Nick had always stumbled.

"But maybe it's not time for closure yet?"

He looked at me for a moment. He was thinking about it. Really considering.

"Why'd you break up with Danny?" He asked, sitting up straight, "and when?"

I didn't say anything.

"Lex, come on."

"It's none of your business."

"No, he's my friend and I want to know how badly things ended with you two so that I can consider this, okay?"

"No, you're just looking for reasons to not do this!"

"No, no, Lexi, I just--I want to know. Alright, just tell me how he took it. I know this is private, I don't mean to overstep."