My Bad Boy Best Friend

Chapter 21: But maybe it's not time for closure yet?

It was weird. Being with Nick. His hair was fluffier. Darker. Wilder. Brushing the tattoo on his neck. His lips were bruised after having been pressed to mine for much longer than they should've been. But it was really just his eyes that forced me to keep looking. Endearing and soft and understanding. I realized that I had been staring at him. I also realized that he knew.

"It's not what you think." I said, quickly, blushing. I don't think I expected to feel the heavy heat but I did. My eyes wandered along his whole body. He was leaner than before, less bulky. But this fit him better. He had less muscle but he seemed more comfortable in his skin.

"Yes, because we weren't naked in front of each other and going at it, some five minutes back," he said, laughing, "I've missed you, sweetheart." He had a free laugh. An open, happy laugh. Unafraid. Unaffected by anything else in the world. I was the center of his world and I felt it. I understood perfectly well what that meant.

"No, I just--you look different. You're not as--I don't know, you're different." It wasn't lost on me that I'd just fucked Nick Lovestone after I said I wouldn't. He just sort of had that way about him. You didn't realise it until you were there and you didn't even mind. But it was what I wanted. I knew this would happen and I had been prepared for it.

"You're different too," he said, looking at me with his dark blue eyes now. Those soft, joyful blue eyes. I couldn't look away. 

"In what way?" It felt weird. Knowing that he had been noticing me the same way I'd been noticing him.

"Well, I've never seen you this way before. So willing to let me kiss you, and Lexi, we've dated. You're sadder than I've ever seen you before and as much as it worries me, I know you're going to be okay, because that's something you always manage to be. Even if everything else goes to shit." And that's all it took for me to start crying. Just shamelessly bawling my eyes out. At first I thought it was just a few tears but soon enough I realized they weren't going to stop. "Hey, hey, what's wrong?" He asked inching closer to me, cautiously. "Are you okay? Is it something I said? Was I that bad in bed?" I wasn't okay. But I couldn't blame him for it. It was not his fault that my parents were having another kid. Or that they wanted to start over. Or that I wasn't going to really have a choice in the matter. But he was here, so he had to clean up the mess.

I shook my head. I hated this. I couldn't just cry in front of him. It was not something I had been planning on. And I still wasn't going to stop. It was pathetic but it wasn't something I could do anything about.

"Lexi, say something," he urged, cupping my cheeks, forcing me to face him. I tried imagining things from his perspective, not that it really mattered. I tried picturing myself, all wet and slobbering. Even though he was different now, I couldn't help but picture the old him, laughing at me, rolling his eyes at me for being so dramatic all the fucking time.

"I don't--I don't want to--" I cried. Heavy tears spilling down my face in long, ugly streaks.

He looked at me carefully and then wrapped his arms around me. He rubbed my naked back and let me cry. It's not what I expected. To watch Nick Lovestone care was too much. People don't just change. It takes time and effort and so much more than just one break up.

"You're more different than I am." I said, through tears.

"Shit happens, people change." He straightened up a little. I suppose a heart to heart isn't what he signed up for, I couldn't blame him for being a little distant even when we were practically stuck to each other.

"Well...what happened?"

"You don't want to know."

"No, no, I do." I assured him.