Mine {Book 1}| Completed

Chapter 19: Café Shop/ Christmas Shopping

"The thing is...Emma, I'm not sure if I love April like I used to. I do love her but recently things have been crazy." He confessed.

Then why are you still with her?

"And you somehow need time to breakup? Do you not know how ridiculous that sounds?" I wanted to laugh in his face.

I chuckled, he honestly had a point. I had then just avoided it and let it slide for now. But then another thing came to mind.

"April told me your both going to the New Years Eve Ball. I mean of course you are...she's your girlfriend." I said almost in a question.

He took a drink from his coffee. "Yes, we are."

"Oh." I turned my head, sounded offended.

"Look, we are-"

"-Do you expect anything from me?" I cut him off.

          He shook his head. I knew he would. Because as long as he is dancing next to April I get my fair share to be bored there all alone when I should be with the one guy I wish to be with. And I guess April will always be his first choice. And it hurts me so much and he has no idea. Or maybe he does and he just doesn't care.

    "Of course you don't. But I don't see why you can't admit to yourself that you only want me and no one else?" I said.

    "What do you want?" He leans back, expecting my answer to come out as he expected.

    "You." I spat. "I want you."

     "You already have me." He said.

    "Damn you, Christopher. It is not enough. For me at least. And I can't even bear that your hugging her and kissing her all the time. Is this a joke to you? Did having sex mean nothing to you? You say your into me and you want no one else....but why still be with her?" I was nearly on the verge of crying.

    "You can't be serious." He threw his hands over his face not sure what to say.

       He looked at me like I was insane. And I wanted to tell him how hard this is for me. He doesn't honestly know what he wants. That's why he's holding onto April. It makes perfect sense now. And I can't stand seeing him kissing and touching April all the time when it should be me but it can't be me. How am I supposed to feel? Does he think I'm okay with this? I can't even think about it at all. I only want what is best for myself. I wanna date him for real. But in secret so our parents won't know about it.

     I honestly don't get it with him. He's just so indecisive. And I'm not so sure if I can take another moment of it. I need him more than he knows. But I'm not gonna just be there when he needs me. I need him now and always. Not when I'm convenient. I couldn't even bear to look at him at his face. I couldn't keep a straight face. I wanted to cry. I took the napkin and wiped my face, catching a tear from my eye before Christopher noticed. I took my purse slipping out two twenty dollar bills on the table. After that, grabbed my purse and emerged out.

      I walked out as fast as I could out of that place. Even though I didn't get to finish my coffee. I heard Christopher following after me. I tried leaving out of the mall and forget about this. But I knew I wouldn't be able to go anywhere. I can't drive yet. But if I did I would take Christopher's car and leave. I rolled my eyes at the entire situation. He loves April. It'll always be her. He will always go back to her over a million times. I see how he looks at her. He's never looked at me like that. I honestly don't know what she has that I don't. Am I not pretty enough for him? Am I not good enough for him? What's wrong with me for him to be in love with someone else? Even after I get him he still wants April.