My Life Plan...Undone

Prologue

If you watch all the teen tv shows, they make you believe that there are two types of teenagers: the ultra popular and the outcasts. I am neither. I have spent my high school career keeping my head down, staying on top of my work, and enjoying time with my small group of friends. I like the fact that I don't make waves. I'm not aspiring to be in the "cool crowd", but I like to think I'm social and secure enough to not be labeled an outcast either. I'm perfectly content with my life and I think content is pretty good for high school.

I always hear older people either saying they "absolutely loved high school" and that it was "the time of their life" or I hear them say "High school sucked. It was the worst and if high school was the best time of your life then you peaked too early". Honestly, I don't think high school is that bad. I mean, I don't love it, but it's just school. Isn't loving it asking for a bit too much? Who cares if you have a ton of friends? I've never been the type of person who needs to be surrounded by people. That just sounds annoying. Personal space, ya know?

Pearson High School is pretty big. Our popular kids aren't the typical movie ones consisting of solely jocks. There are lots of popular kids from different groups. I'm not one of them. I'm not concerned with who is considered "cool" and who's labeled a "loser". Luckily, there are enough kids in my school that social labels don't mean as much just because there are so many kids. I think it's kind of cool that most kids here don't have a one-dimensional label a la The Breakfast Club.

I am in the minority of kids my age though since I pretty much know exactly what I want to do with my life. I've got it all planned out. Or at least I thought I did.

Lately I haven't really felt like I know myself very well anymore. Of course, this would happen to me in my last year of high school. I have a completely uneventful high school existence until my senior year when I conveniently start the early stages of an identity crisis. Perfect timing, Julie. I can just picture my college interviews now.

"So tell us about yourself. How would you describe yourself?"

"Well, you see, I thought I wanted to go into the sciences and eventually become a doctor, but now I have no idea and my life is slowly but surely falling apart. No biggie! I hope to have it figured out by the start of the semester, but no promises."

Instant acceptance for sure.

I would laugh if I didn't think it would turn into one of those hysterical cries/breakdowns. You know, the kind where you see someone laughing like a crazy person and you're a tiny bit alarmed, but you think to yourself that they're fine and then it quickly takes a dark turn and everyone gets uncomfortable as the person begins to sob and break down in public. Yeah, I'd rather avoid that.

Okay, okay, I'm being dramatic - I'm not that far gone yet. It's just that I'm not used to this feeling. The feeling of being so unsure about what I want to do with my life. And sure, what 17 year old knows exactly what she wants to do for the rest of her life, but I was that person!

I have a clear path for my future with everything all planned out. But what happens when you're not sure if that's the path you should be on anymore? Or better yet, you don't even know why you carved that path in the first place? But, we'll get to that.

Everyone praised me as being the most level headed teenager they knew. I know, you're thinking that's not saying much, but it's true. I knew what I wanted to study in college. I have friends, but I'm not a partier and I don't get in trouble. I get along great with my parents. No desire to rock the boat or rebel. I had it all figured out.

That all changed with one innocent question from one of the most popular boys at Pearson.