My Life Plan...Undone

Ch. 23

When I get to school the next day, I'm a woman on a mission. I need to apologize to Matt and do whatever it takes to make it up to him. I've been acting like an idiot lately. Creating problems where there didn't need to be any and in the cases where there were issues, I made them into bigger issues than they needed to be. I was quick to judge and lash out. I know now that it's because I was afraid. Afraid to like someone so much. Afraid because I couldn't fully wrap my head around being plan-less. And afraid to get hurt. So I subconsciously sabotaged things. Don't get me wrong, people like Colleen still played a role, but I could've handled things better. They say hindsight is 20/20 and I learned that the hard way.

The problem now is whether Matt will forgive me at all. And if he does forgive me would he even still be interested in me anymore?

As I walk through the hallway, I keep an eye out for Matt. I see him down by the main office talking to Trey and Sam. He sees me and I start to wave, but he turns around and starts walking in the other direction. My hand is still in mid-air. I guess now I sorta know how he felt when I would avoid him. It sucks and is a kick in the stomach.

"Hey girl, how are you doing today?" Jenn sidles up to me.

"Eh could be better. I saw Matt down the hall and I tried to wave, but he ignored me," the hurt evident in my voice.

Jenn put an arm around me. "Just give him time. I have faith it'll all work out."

I shrug, "Yeah, I guess."

I knew this was going to be hard, but I guess deep down I was hoping that Matt would go easy on me and I could say sorry and we could move on. But even Matt and his saint-like ways is entitled to be hurt and upset.

****

The next few days are much the same. We don't talk in the hall, in class, at lunch. No phone calls, texts, or FaceTime.

In my room after school one day I work on my homework, but my thoughts keep wandering back to Matt and what to do to make him talk to me again. I've been giving him space for the past week, but then a thought occurs to me. After our heated exchange in the library on Monday, deep down I had wanted him to follow me when I walked out. Maybe he thinks I don't care enough to reach out to him. Crap, if that's the case, I've already wasted 4 days.

I reach for my phone and think about what to text him. I go back and forth with ideas. Finally, I text the girls.

Me: Hey, I think it's time I reach out to Matt. I've given him space since Monday. What if he's been waiting for me to reach out and apologize and I've already wasted the week. What do you guys think?

Cara: I say go for it. What's the worst that can happen?
Jenn: Ditto

Me: Well, when I tried to wave to him on Tuesday, he literally turned around and walked away....

Cara: Yeah, but that was 3 days ago. What's the worst that could happen? He ignores your text? At least he'll know you're trying and that you're sorry.

Me: True. Ahh I hope he doesn't think I just gave up after he ignored me the other day.

Me: Would you guys happen to have any inside information?

I hated putting them in this position. If their boyfriends told them anything, I'm sure it was in confidence. But I'm their best friend! And girl code says they're on my side by default.

Cara: Trey hasn't told me much. I know that Matt was pretty upset with everything that happened. But, the way he talks, I feel like he's open to talking.