Leather and Strawberries

3

taylor

i hesitated before pushing my key into the door, wanting to put off seeing my siblings and their shrunken bellies, their gaping mouths always asking for more, their bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks. once again i felt a surge of anger for my mother; it was bad enough that my father had died in a car accident five years ago but she didn't need to fuck off after leaving eleven year old me to take care of her offspring.

steading myself, i put the key into the lock, wincing at the scrape of metal as i turned it. almost instantly seven year old kimmie was wrapping her skinny arms around my waist and burying her face in my chest. "she's back!" i flinched at the joyful tone of her voice but steeled myself. "good to see you too," i placed a kiss on her head and went to tend to my other siblings.

toby — who was nine — was silent as usual, red pen all over his hands and face and in response to my arrival, looked up and smiled softly. daisy frowned as i approached her, "what's for dinner?" i swallowed, "um." i used to sell weed and painkillers in order to get money but none of my clients had contacted me in weeks. i was skint. "let me have a look in the cupboards."

three eggs and a carrot. three. eggs. and. a. carrot. chewing my lower lip, i wondered what i could possibly say to the kids; they weren't stupid, they knew the danger we were in. hold on, can't you make omelette's with just eggs? i almost smiled before realising that there were only three and there were four of us who needed feeding. the kids came first — i'd figure something out.

***

my stomach growled, angrily demanding why we didn't take an omelette. i ignored it, rolling on my side and wincing as a spring dug into my back. my thoughts drifted to school; everyone there was alright i guess but then my thoughts changed course to someone in particular. charlotte. as usual when she came into mind my thoughts whirl-winded until i was breathless with confusion.

part of me wanted to buy a small cottage in the middle of the woods and live with her forever and part of me wanted to throttle the little nerd because god was she annoying. i couldn't get her hazel eyes out of my mind and it was driving me crazy.

i groaned and buried my head in my pillow.

***

"hey." i turned and almost hit a cute asian girl in the face with my backpack. "watch where you're swinging that thing." i didn't answer though i felt a prickle of guilt.
the girl glared daggers and tucked a stray strand of shiny black hair behind her ear, "i just came over to tell you not to mess with my friend."
i frowned, "what?"
"charlie," she explained, "charlotte."

i fiddled with my bangles, "why would i mess with her?" the girl took a step closer so that our noses were almost brushing, "because that's what you do; i know girls like you taylor and i know how you hurt people."

my temper flared.

"you don't know a damn thing about me!" i shoved her, she stumbled backwards, shocked. i dropped my gaze and walked quickly away, ignoring the stares from other students.

idiot. you know what happens when you start with this shit.

trying to keep the memories at bay was too much and when they came they swept me up like a huge wave and left me sobbing helplessly.

The angst is real.