Falling - A Harry Styles Fan-fiction

Part 1

Another day gone. Harry hadn't gotten up since this morning when he was awakened by the sun, getting out of bed only to make his way to the kitchen and collect a bottle of tequila to make the rest of his last day off, bearable. It was now 9 pm and he hadn't been out of bed since. Seemingly unable to get his muscles to compile enough energy to sit up, let alone stand. Lifting the bottle of tequila to his dried lips seemed to the the extent of his energy. As the last of the smooth liquid touched his lips, and slowly trickled down into his empty stomach Harry felt his body warm up. But he couldn't help but wish it wasn't the tequila keeping him warm in bed. But, all he could think was, there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands. It was his fault, he knew it was. He had done this to himself. The first time he'd ever found someone who loved him for him, who cared for him in all the small but significant ways and he had fucked it up.

"Where the fuck have you been?? I've been calling and texting you all night!" Kendalls voice lined with anger but also worry. No matter how bad Harry had fucked up, over and over again, she always cared. She always stuck by him, picking him up when he couldn't be bothered to get out of bed. Cooking for him when he would forget to eat. Texting him to remind him to take his meds when he was swept away in a whirlwind that was his work. Always forgiving him when he would forget to call, when he came home late and totally wasted, when he got mad or frustrated at her over absolutely nothing. But this time was different, she just didn't know it yet.

"Get off my ass okay I've had a long day" Harry pushed past her making his way to the bar in their living room. Headed straight for a gin and tonic to take the edge off.

Kendall followed him, eyeing the drink he was making. Harry knew she was watching to make sure he didn't pour to much. He had started on a new anti depressant that would put him on his ass if he mixed them with too much booze. But after the night he'd had he didn't care, he filled his cup until Kendall interrupted him with her hand over his glass.

"Stop. Look at me."

Harry put the bottle down and took a large swig from his cup before turning around to face her.

"Where were you Harry?" Her voice soft this time, as if she was afraid of the answer. Which she should be, Harry thought. Kendalls eyes searched his face for answers, but to no avail. Harry had always been good at hiding his feelings, but not usually this good.

"I think you should leave." The words fell from Harrys lips with no emotion, but hit Kendall with more emotion then she could handle.

"Why."

"I finally did it"

"Did what"

Kendall was afraid now, her mind racing. Harry wasn't usually like this, he would have bad days, angry days, days where he would push her away, but he never once has asked her to leave. His life was crazy, constantly on the road, touring, writing music, meeting adoring fans. But no matter how hectic or hard life got he was he always wanted her close, her love and warmth always bringing him back to reality. Giving him a safe place, wherever she was, was always home for Harry.

This time though, this time was different.

"I slept with someone."

"Y-you what"

This was the first time since he started the new meds that Harry had really felt anything. And now it was only a slight pang at his heart when he heard Kendalls voice crack. He truly did love her, but thats why he did it. He didn't want this to be her life, constantly taking care of him and putting his needs before her own over and over again. Harry knew she deserved butter, but he love'd her too much to break up with her. So he went out and did the one thing he knew would make her leave him. He slept with someone else.

"Just go. I don't even love you anymore" The words felt sour coming out of Harrys mouth. Even if the pills were numbing his emotions, Harry still knew that he loved Kendall more than anything and saying those words made him hate himself even more.

Harry, lying in his bed, cradling an empty bottle of tequila knew that the person he had become was not the person he wanted to be. He wanted to be someone worth Kendalls love, worth her kindness. But he was not, instead he consistently hurt her, pushed her away and made choices that damaged their relationship beyond no return. He regretted sleeping with other women, it felt wrong, dirty. He also regretted telling her he didn't love her anymore, she deserved better than that. But what Harry didn't regret was freeing her from a life with him.

But despite how certain he was that he had done the right thing, he still wanted to find her, apologize, and beg for her to love him again. He craved the feeling of her loving lips on his cheeks after he'd had a long week and couldn't hold the tears back. The feeling of her hands in his hair pulling him closer and closer into sleep. But most of all he craved how she felt in his arms, her breath on his chest evening out as she drifted off to sleep.

Harry fell asleep that night, tequila bottle in hand, dreaming of Kendall. Dreaming of what he would say to her if he was ever given the opportunity to apologize.

"Forget what I said

It's not what I meant

And I can't take it back..."