Until Next Time [COMPLETE]

Chapter 27

The heels of my stilettos gently sank into the soft grass as I stepped out of the taxi. The cemetery stretched out ahead of me for what looked like miles, lined with rows upon rows of grey stones and statue memorials marking the lives that once were.

My eye was immediately drawn to the cluster of people wearing their best black attire, surrounding a gravesite in the distance. I kept a tight hold on the open car door, trying to balance myself as my knees began to buckle under my nerves.

"Looks like you're kinda' late," the taxi driver remarked carelessly as he hunched over the steering wheel and stared out the window, chewing loudly on his mint gum.

According to the newspaper, the service was scheduled to start over an hour ago. I was surprised things hadn't already ended. My lateness came from not being able to pull myself away from Blake's safe embrace. He ended up giving me that eventual push into the cab that brought me here. We both knew I had to do this on my own.

Without answering, I handed the driver a bill from my clutch and shut the door behind me before looking for any change back. Heaving in a heavy breath, I pulled my glasses from my face with a shaky hand and replaced them with large, blackened shades. As the car drove away, I looked ahead of me through the dark lens, scanning my mind for Blake's words to guide me.

"Do this for yourself. Stop letting them call all the shots."

I knew that attending this funeral would either make me- or break me. Rolling my shoulders back, I pushed a breath through my nose and curled my fingers tightly around my small, sequinned purse. Blake's voice continued to chime in my ears as I held my chin high in the air, strutting toward the group of people with a confidence that only he could fuel me with.

My face began to harden as I looked at all the many unfamiliar faces standing around my mother's grave, gently tapping the skin around their eyes with tissues and hanging their heads in sorrow. People I'm quite sure my mom had never even met.

Heads began to turn as I began walking amongst the group. No one said a word as I parted the crowd with my stone-faced expression; one that read I wasn't to be approached or spoken to. Hearing my brother's projected voice beyond all of the onlookers, I heavily walked past the last of the strangers to find myself faced with a casket lying partly above a hole in the ground.

Jace stood at the head of the glossed, mahogany box that was draped in an array of crisp white roses and greenery. My father stood along the side close by him; wearing a suit ensemble that looked like it probably cost more than the entire service. He stood with his hands clasped in front of him and his head tilted to the ground while a framed photo of my mother stood on a stand close to him.

On the opposite side of the casket stood Lily, wearing a skin-tight long-sleeved back dress that was arguably shorter than my own. She wiped her moistened cheeks as her parents hovered closely behind her. None of them had noticed me, but I felt a burning sensation in my stomach at the sight of Lily, and her audacity to be anywhere near this funeral.

"...I could write an endless list of things I will miss about my mother," Jace continued as my eyes darted over to him as he spoke. 

"But what I will probably miss more than anything is her smile," He paused as his voice cracked, bringing his sullen face up from the paper he was reading from. Like a magnetic force, his heavy, red eyes immediately found me from across the casket. His jaw slightly dropping as he stared at me for a moment.

He cleared his throat as he looked back down at his speech.

"But..." he went on slowly, pausing before folding up the small paper and tucking it in the pocket of his blazer. "If there's one thing I'll always be grateful for- it's that her smile isn't completely gone from this earth."

I narrowed my eyebrows in confusion, wondering why he decided not to continue his prewritten eulogy. He took a long deep breath as he looked back up at me.

"...I'm lucky enough that I can see it again. In my sister, Shaiyna." he concluded as he ushered his arm toward me.

Holding my clutch tightly in front of me with a nervous grip, my body froze as the crowd's focus shifted onto me. I watched as my father's dark, disapproving eyes snapped in my direction; his body stiffening with a heavy inhale as he matched my cold and stern glare. Lily stared at me from the other direction, a look of horror in her eyes. She twisted her tissue nervously between her fingers while biting down on her lip as if she was expecting me to create yet another scene that she knew I was fully capable of.

My eyes back on Jace, he stood with his shoulders hunched and his hands buried deep in the pockets of his jacket. He stared at me for a moment, looking both guilty and broken as silence fell over the attendees. Was this his way of apologizing to me?

I could feel my face softening as our eyes locked on each other. Even if for a brief moment, he sounded like the Jace I had remembered, and I could feel the wall between us slowly coming apart. He sounded like he was speaking without my father's tight, controlling grip around him. This was my mother's son. 

I just wanted to wrap my arms tightly around him in the presence of our mother for the very last time; releasing that overwhelming pressure between us. And, just maybe, have him back in my corner.

As if reading my thoughts, Jace stepped away from his post and eagerly began heading in my direction. I could feel the tension in my arms beginning to subside as he passed by my father, who stopped him dead in his tracks by a firm hand on his shoulder holding him back.

I held my breath as Jace looked over his shoulder at him with a confused look. Dad leaned in close to him and began to whisper something to him, his eyes sharply darting between Jace and me as he tightened his grip on him. My heart pounded fiercely as I watched Jace's face fall further and further with every poisonous word my father dripped into his ear.

I could almost feel my heart crack in two when Jace turned his back to me and slowly took a place standing beside my father. Neither of them looked at me again, and my father brought his hands back in front of him with his chin held proudly in the air. A cowardly look was plastered across Jace's face and he tucked his lips in his mouth and stared at the ground, forcing himself to avoid looking at me.

I looked up and blinked continuously under my shaded glasses to stop the tears escaping my eyes. I slowly inhaled the chilly air as I endured the whispering that was going on around me, as I was publicly labeled as the outcast of this so-called "family".

My eyes returned back to Jace as he approached the casket for the last time before it was lowered into the ground. He crouched down with a handful of soil in his hand, throwing it into the hole along with the last of our mother. When he stood back up my father put his arm firmly around him.

I looked at them both standing side by side as they watched the casket slowly disappear into the ground. For the first time in my life, I could see no differences between them. I was looking at two of the same man.