Wanderlust ✓

32. Resentment

I have to make things right.

That was the only thought in my mind as I strolled into school on Monday.

Carly has been my longest friend and I can't lose her in the snap of a finger. I met her when we were eight and I was a nervous little loner (not that different from today...). She was the only girl to go out of her way to include me when I stood in the corner of our Girl Scout Troop. Carly was just as energetic and lively back then as she is now. She's just so likeable. I've always felt like the loser friend and would ask myself "why is this girl friends with me?". Over the years, she stuck by my side with no regrets even with the many comments I would make to her about expanding her friend group.

She's been with me through my awkward stages, puberty, first crush and now first love. Well... at least I hope she makes it through with me on that last one. Her advice and spontaneity has made me the person I am today as cheesy as that sounds. She has always gotten me out of my shell and I'm grateful for that.

I can't lose her. Not now.

I walk past the lingering students in the halls, waiting for the first bell to ring. I'm on a mission. Turing a corner, I look further down to the locker that I'm searching for.

There she is. Just where I thought she would be.

I took a deep breath before approaching because the last time I talked to her didn't go so well...

I cleared my throat from behind her, right as she slammed her locker closed. "Hey Carly, can we talk-"

She didn't turn around. "I'm not talking to you." Carly then took off down the hall, her backpack bouncing with her loud stomps and fast pace.

"Come on!" I hurried behind her. "Please! I'm sorry! Let's just talk it out."

Suddenly, she stopped and whipped back around to me, her orange curls almost slapping me in the face. "There's nothing to talk about, Paige," her voice roared and I side eyed the students who were catching glimpses. "What's been said has been said and there's no going back."

I spoke softly, ""We were both just angry and it went too far. I just want my best friend back."

"It's too late for that, Paige. Just keep ignoring me like you've been doing for months. Shouldn't be that hard." Her eyes narrowed.

Now I'm getting pissed. "Can't you just let me be happy, Carly!" I screamed, "It's not like I've been purposely ignoring you. Why would I do that?"

She was getting ready to say something else but the ringing bell went off before she could. The crowd that had gathered around us dispersed and went to their designated classrooms, as did Carly with one last glare in my direction and then she was strutting off.

That didn't go well, now did it?

•••

"What's happening with you and Carly?"

"How do you know about that?" I asked Kharis after picking up my phone.

"Um, I'm sorry to break it to you girl but that fight you had in the hallway? Yeah, it's plastered all over Twitter."

I let out a groan, taking another bite of my granola bar, careful not to get too many crumbs in my car. Yes, I was in my car for lunch seeing as I had no one to sit with in the cafeteria.

"Not again. I was invisible before this year!"

"Honey, it's not terrible to get noticed. I mean in this case, yes... but! You were noticed by Parker and look where that got you two."

"Yeah, it got me into a mess with my best friend," I replied, adjusting my seat further back to get comfortable.

She sighed, "Listen. I became friends with you girls in middle school and you've always been two peas in a pod. Sure, you've had fights but never this big and you've gotten past every single one. Why can't this fight be just like those where you ignore each other for a day and then hug it out the next?"

"Because this fight isn't like any of the stupid fights we've had about going to a party or making each other join a school club so we wouldn't be alone. This one's personal." I stared out the front windshield, watching the drizzle start to come down and the clouds gradually get darker. Her words kept running through my head.

You're still as insecure as ever.

There's no going back.

It's too late...

"Deep down, I know she didn't mean what she said to me, Kharis. I understand why she's mad at me. I stopped paying attention to my best friend who I've known since childhood because of some boy. I feel guilty about it and I just tried to talk to her but as you saw, it's impossible. She's always been stubborn." I laughed sadly because we've both been so stubborn in different situations.

"Give her some time and space. She'll realize that she can't lose you either and you'll be back to being friends in no time."

I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. "Okay, you're right. Thank you. I better get going before my next class starts."

"Of course," she laughed, "I'm currently in a bathroom stall and my class is probably starting to wonder what happened to me in here. Love you girl! I'll even try to talk some sense into Carly. Wish me luck!"

"Good luck. See you soon."

We said our goodbyes before I hung up.

Banging my head on my steering wheel, I realized one thing:

I have to go back in there.

•••

"Why is school so stressful? It's our senior year and it's supposed to be filled with ease and fun."

Parker chuckled at my grumpy tone. "It's not all that bad, Paige. You've got me."

I smiled, pumping my legs more to gain height.  "Yes, I guess that's true."

Parker texted me to meet him at the nearby park after school, wanting to check in with me after seeing Carly and I's "fight" video on social media.

Haha. I'm at the park with Park.

"Speaking of us, my mom's been asking about meeting you and when you can come over to have dinner." He slowed down on his swing and I followed suit.

"With just her or step dad included?"

"I wish it would be just her but unfortunately, John will be there. Always attached to her hip," He sighed, looking down and kicking the dirt around.

I raised my eyebrows. He doesn't talk about his family often after the whole drinking fiasco.

"Well, I would love to meet them."

I would love to meet his mom, actually...

He picked his chin up to look at me to see if I was telling the truth. I could see the wheels turning in his head. "You're too nice for me. Nothing I've said about either of them have been good things yet you're still willing to come eat a meal with them."

I shrugged. "They're still your parents. Your mom raised you and I would like to meet the woman who made you the good guy you are today."

He reached over to grab my hand and slowly intertwined our fingers. He gave me a smile that I know didn't fully reach his eyes.

"Tomorrow then?"

"Tomorrow," I agreed, as nervous as I am.